Sad Girl... for having such a bummer name, you are quite humorous! I enjoy reading your posts. LOL
My vote is to let him know when the party is, and let him step up to suggest an alternate time to see them. If he's a decent dad, and they enjoy seeing them, and it doesn't add anymore stress to your life... I'm sure you could use a break, too!
My Gosh! FOUR of them - 12 and under?
Wonder Woman!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I posted almost these same words in my thread the other day. Our sitches are different but I totally get how you feel here. You are in good hands w VH & Trent, but here's my 2 cents. I see at least 1 goal from your posts: To provide for & protect your kids. And from what I read, looks like you are doing a great job at this. What your D said to you made my eyes water.
I'm in good hands with all of you. Each of you has helped me get to where I am now. I started out thinking what the hell am I going to do with 4 little kids alone, and now I have no worries about it. I almost teared up when she said it too. So much wisdom from such a young girl. I'm going to keep those goals you pointed out in mind. I think I couldn't see the forest for the trees.
Originally Posted By: LookingFrAnswers
I'm almost 9 mos. into S (H left end of March) & I'm just NOW starting to make decisions about what to do. If I had kids I might have had to move much quicker. But seems like you are doing all the right things, & most importantly being a pillar for your kids. It's such a lonnnng hard process, this WAS thing. You'll get there; your strength shows through. Talk to VH, his advice is good. You have my support!
Thanks again for your support. I'm trying to do the right thing. Each day we settle into a better routine.
I must say, and this is NOT going to come out right, but those of you without kids who have to go through this really impress me. Kids kind of muddy the waters a little bit, and you guys work at it because you truly love your spouse. If I didn't have kids, I don't know that I could say that.
Sad Girl... for having such a bummer name, you are quite humorous! I enjoy reading your posts. LOL
Thanks. I'm glad you can find some laughs in my posts. I wish I knew what was going through my mind when I picked Sad Girl. I was shocked, stunned, stressed, but I'm not really sure I was sad. I think Eff Off and Die Jacka$$ was taken. lol
Originally Posted By: mindfull
My vote is to let him know when the party is, and let him step up to suggest an alternate time to see them. If he's a decent dad, and they enjoy seeing them, and it doesn't add anymore stress to your life... I'm sure you could use a break, too!
My Gosh! FOUR of them - 12 and under?
Wonder Woman!
So far he hasn't asked for an alternate date. Because he hasn't been around, and I don't know when or if he plans to. I make plans for the weekends. He's just going to have to deal with that, right? I don't think I'm supposed to put things on hold in case he wants to come over, am I?
Wonder Woman, no. Crazy Woman, yes. You can also call me Big A$$ Child Support Check Woman if you want.
Well, he11, did you see what MY name used to be??? MINDBLANK! How very blonde of me! Got rid of that!
Seriously, wouldn't want his CS bill! Youza!
Don't sit around waiting, and go ahead and make plans. If he asks, and it works, allow it. Otherwise, you're just fueling the beginning of a negative cycle of being the "NO" woman! And, when you do say "NO" you are reasonable!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I make plans for the weekends. He's just going to have to deal with that, right? I don't think I'm supposed to put things on hold in case he wants to come over, am I?
No. You go on about your life and make it a better one for both you and your kids. If you make plans, keep them. You have to have time for things you enjoy. You didn't ask for this situation. You can't sit at home every weekend hoping or wondering if he is going to make it over. Get out and enjoy yourself. Keep your plans. They are for you. Go to the zoo or where ever you want to go. But get out and enjoy yourself.
You will be healthier and happier for it.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I plan to keep making plans, but sometimes I feel bad when I have to tell him we already have plans. There is always something happening with 4 kids, and he knows that.
He texted me again today.
H - Why haven't the kids been contacting me?
M - I don't know. They have full access to the phone.
H - Can you remind them they have a dad who would like to talk to them?
M - Why not call them?
H - Going to have to, apparently. I'll call around 4 or 5 on the house phone.
M - Make it 5. D8 won't be home until 4:15
So there you have it, folks. After not calling or seeing them since 11/21, he is calling tonight.
Should be interesting to see who actually speaks to him.
but sometimes I feel bad when I have to tell him we already have plans
You need to stop feeling bad. He chose this situation and continues to choose it. It is his own doing. He knows how to pick up that phone and call his kids. It isn't your job to make it happen. He knows how to fix this situation with you. He is choosing not to. Stop feeling bad for how you think he might feel because of decisions he has chosen to make and continues to make.
Onward with your enjoyment and plans.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
He has an apartment now, Kevin. There really aren't many choices to be made.
However, I agree, he needs to stop expecting the kids to call him. They're kids, and all they care about is playing and eating. He's an adult, and he should be making the effort.
He told me a while back that it was uncomfortable when he talked to them on the phone because they didn't say much. I'm pretty sure that's why he would rather they call him. That way, he would know they actually wanted to talk.
He told me a while back that it was uncomfortable when he talked to them on the phone because they didn't say much. I'm pretty sure that's why he would rather they call him. That way, he would know they actually wanted to talk.
Without trying to sound cold towards him... His Problem. He is the parent. He is the adult. He has to reach out to them and be the one to form back a relationship with them. Not the other way around. He needs to find a way to get over his uncomfortableness and come up with things to talk about with them. Ask them about their day for starters. He can ask them what is coming up for them that they are excited or worried about. He can tell them he loves them. He can plan an event with them and talk with them about how they would like to do it, etc.
The bottom line is he needs to put forth the effort with his kids. He can't expect them to do what his responsibility is to do.
I know that you already know this. But maybe it will help to just have it reinforced by someone outside the situation.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
You can also call me Big A$$ Child Support Check Woman if you want.