I want us to get on with our lives the best we can, with or without him. I want my kids to be happy.
Some days, I wish he would get hit by a bus. Other days, I wonder if I have a responsibility to my kids to do whatever I can to fix this.
Some days, I think I can get past this, and then other days, I realize he hasn't seen or spoken to his kids in 11 days. I have no idea who he is anymore. Never would I have imagined him to be this person. I can't wrap my mind around ever forgiving what he is doing.
No one mentions him. It's like he no longer exists. My kids are joyful and better behaved than ever. Oh, they are almost 12, 10, 8 and 5. They have all stepped up and become these great helpers. The tension in the house is gone. It's been nice. They like that we have rallied together. Hopefully, they'll want to start visiting him soon. I wonder if I have a responsibility to my son to fix this. Poor kid is doomed in all this estrogen. lol
So, after all this babbling, I don't know what I want or where to go from here. Do I put myself first and say eff him, or the kids first and keep at it? Who knows...
At this moment, all I'm wondering is older or younger this time!!! I kid.
