Looks like I might soon be LBS...newcomer here

[brownidmom]

Regarding this:

Yep. He had even said that he is going to buy a house with a bigger yard for the boys and that whether or not I am there, the decision to buy the house and picking it out and buying it will not involve me. This was after I pointed out that he mishandled the situation back in May when he dropped the bomb "I am not going to put my name on another piece of paper to buy another house with you" on Mother's Day before we were heading out the door to look at it one last time before making an offer. Uh, yeah, passive aggressive, you should have just told me that you didn't want to go anywhere else with me instead of letting me look for the perfect house for almost a full year.

No, I will not move into a house with you when my name is not on the deed so you can just tell me to leave whenever you want. I didn't say this last part, just thought it. It would have become too emotional for me if I started down that path so I just let it go until it becomes a reality.

H saying this to me has been on my mind. Last night, after the boys were in bed and H was at the kitchen table with his laptop while I was cleaning up the kitchen, I said, " I have something I want to say to you and I am not looking for a response. What you said to me the other night about buying a house without me- if your intentions are to buy a house because you want to walk away from this marriage, so be it. But if you do not intend to walk away from this marriage, I need you to know that I will have to be included in the process of looking for and buying a house if you want me to leave this house with you. I will not go from owning a home with my husband to selling it and moving into a house with you that is not in my name. I will not ever put myself in the position of having to leave if I am ever asked to do so. I have to look out for myself. So, if you want to stay together as a family, I need to be included in this decision and process."

And then I went back to loading the dishwasher. He didn't respond in any way and I am glad that he didn't. I was feeling very vulnerable after being alone with my thoughts yesterday and a discussion would not have been a good direction for me to head into. I felt better afterwards because I said it like I meant it. Though I was feeling very emotional, it didn't creep its way into my voice. Thus, I was able to go to sleep last night.

The alarm went off this morning as I was dreaming about H holding and kissing me. It was just a dream.

bim