Coming up on One-Year of DB'ing...

[mindfull]

Jeff:

I've been reading a bit on boundaries, and really enjoying all of my feedback here. You're all making me feel like I'm as nuts as I thought...

So, I am giving myself until Monday, to sit still in my sitch, get rid of this darned pneumonia (think it's starting to leave as of this am), have a superb weekend cutting down the xmas tree and decorating w/the family (EVERYONE enjoys this!!), etc...

On Monday, before H leaves to go out of town, we will have some quiet time in the am. (I'll need help on the wording of this, MEN!) W/out further R/M discussion, and w/out telling him, we need to TALK, just TELL him, something along this line...

"H, I have a lot of emotions, forced behind a smile. I have a procedure that's fairly scary to me, and we have the holidays closing in on us. I'm likely to be more emotional than usual, and not able to force a smile as often. One thing that really hurts me is your phone being constantly glued to you. I know you've always kept it close, but I've noticed you hiding it at night, and it's never left unattended. Considering our level of intimacy right now. It adds an incredible amount of stress to my life. I can only think the worst. I need you to respect my feelings and our M, and not be so secretive with it."

I'll take some edits!

I think if I do this, in the right tone, his response will be telling. I'm not sure, though, as I don't want him to blow up, and do his little disappearing act, and add more stress to my life right now. The alternative is, I start with this right after the holidays.

I need some kind of boundary now, though. Even if it's just my expectations on his involvement w/me (not me AND the kids). The emotional intimacy is fading away... very slowly... but fading away nonetheless. His family is like this. He can NOT be like that. I hope he's just not becoming them.