You have to understand how sex might appear to your wife after a long and slow reduction of sex drive. What if your wife told you she very much needed you to wriggle in a warm mud bath several times a week, or it would be a sign you didn't love her. After a while you find it annoying. And then ridiculous.
....There is not necessarily anything wrong with not wanting sex.
....The problem is that you're not compatible at this point. Now, that's NOT a solution to your problem, but it is an important PERSPECTIVE that will let you be kinder to your wife.
You have definately given me some things to think about. I shall never think about mud baths in the same way.
I know that when we were dating and when we were first married that sex was something my wife seemed to enjoy. I also know that she use to enjoy a good orgasm in the not too distant past, like earlier this year and last year.
This morning I gave her back massage and she said it felt really good. I could feel her back warm up and sweat start to appear on her back as the blood flow increased.
So, while there may be nothing wrong with "not wanting sex," I know that it is not a foreign concept to my wife. I also know that physical touching is something she currently says she enjoys, but is something she doesn't want to give me at the moment (probably for a good reason to my wife involving something I did or didn't do).
I am trying with my sexual sabbatical to avoid pushing my wife to have sex(my way of trying to "be kinder"). I didn't suggest sharing or talking about the books I was reading on relationships with her, that was her suggestion to me. I think I understand what you are trying to say about pushing, as I hated piano lessons as well.
Any suggestions or activities for building compatibility? Again, thank you for the perspective and the things to perform some introspection on.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
