Still in the tunnel with hubby

[kjensen]

Hi TF,

I'm just very, very sad. I wondered if other people had experiences where their MLCer had moments of acting 'normal' and clear when making these life altering decisions. It makes me wonder if H has come out of his fog/withdrawal/depression and the final decision is that he can't live with me, and is not sure he loves me..

H said that a divorce is inevitable.

Its been coming for YEARS.

I asked H if he remembered a conversation we had after he moved back home where he was talking about how he thought the OW was his soulmate. In that conversation I asked him if he ever thought I was his soulmate and he said yes. So last night he didn't remember that second part of the conversation and said I had a better memory than him-most of the past seems like a fog to him...

I did mess up and start asking if we could use a mediation firm rather than separate lawyers..I asked him when he wanted to tell the girls and he said since I bailed on him last time around he would tell them by himself..I asked if I could be there and he got mad saying I wanted to dictate how, when,etc it was done...

He hadn't gotten mad til then and I understand why. I told him I guess I was trying to feel some control within a situation I had no control over..

This feels so final, in that there doesn't seem to be any wavering or second-guessing on H's part. I think he is brave to face is fears, but I hate that it hurts our girls, our family and me because of the way he feels he must face them. He's got to do what he's go to do...it just hurts so damn much!

I feel stupid for having any hope right now.
I feel like a failure.