......assigning yourself a time frame for success is a mistake.
.....More than that, I'm taking more control of my life, taking more of a lead in our relationship, and working toward my own goals. The more of this I do, the easier it gets to work together on our sex life. She's trying to do the same. We took a ballroom dancing class together, I'm doing some writing, she's taking some kind of weird dance-aerobic classes, and I'm making real progress on our old house rehab project.
... What I was trying to get across to Young at Heart is that as you contemplate fixing a sex-starved marriage, you think there's no way you can stick through it to the end. You don't account for the way your mindset will change when you have some positive things to think about.
It's been two years for me, but it hasn't been two years of the kind of rejection and fury and sick anger and hopelessness that I had years of before. It's doable.
That is encouraging. Thank you. Are there any other specific suggestions you might feel would be helpful that you found worked.
I am curious about you statement....
Quote:
...I came to the forum about the same time I confronted my wife for the hundredth time and got blown off in a flood of tears, then started a sabbatical from all sexual activity (well, attempts) as per the SSM book.
Specifically, I am now (as a "Nice Guy") committed to completing a 5-month sexual sabbatical and am probably going to try to start couples counseling near the end of that time-frame. (I am going to order the "No More Mr. Nice Guy" book for a change in reading material)
One thing I tried, but didn't work, prior to my sexual sabbatical was a 14-day cruise vacation with my wife. I had hoped that sleeping in, being waited on hand and foot without having to cook, do laundry, or any housework would have allowed her to rest and have energy for me. She enjoyed the pampering, even went to the hyper-expensive cruiseship spa, but she could not work up any enthusiasm for being physical with me. That was my wake-up call.
I liked the dance class lessions as that might be a way that we could be "physical" in a setting that she might more easily allow. Beside from what I have read, shared physical exercise is a libido booster for women.
Thanks
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
