Trying LRT - Please Help!

[motherof3]

I am trying to wrap my hands around a comment H made the other day. This remark came up during our conversation surrounding the termination of our controlled separation agreement (see post dated 11/29/09 on this thread). I am not trying to read his mind. I am just trying to understand the thought process behind it. I know, I know. Don’t believe anything he says and only half of what he does. But his comment is eating at me.

He said that he doesn’t want to initiate any type of friendly contact or gestures such as conversations or lunch ‘dates’, etc. because he doesn’t want to provide me with a false sense of hope. He doesn’t want his friendliness, for a lack of a better word, to give me any type of hope that our M can be saved. I didn’t know what to say to this comment. So I replied that I have no expectations whatsoever and don’t know how things will end up. That may not have been the correct DB response, but I am not very quick on my feet. Would it have been better to say nothing at all? So what is H’s thought process here? I am stumped. If he is even hesitant to be friends first, we obviously can’t move on to any other R steps.

I am stuck here attempting the LRT with an H that isn’t interested in any R with me, GALing my heart out, acting as if, and practicing all the 180’s I can muster. I would like to think that I am the wife only a fool would leave. H just doesn’t see that yet. And with the little contact we do have, I don’t know if he will realize that until it is too late. I do feel like I have made great strides to detach. I know that I am going to be okay no matter what and already am a better person overall. I try not to set any expectations as I am tired of being disappointed. But is it okay to have hope?