This whole thing has really been one strange journey (not to overuse the cliché from EVER reality TV show)
I don’t realy miss her at this point. It comes and goes and I would like to have my family back together, but overall I seem to have shut down major parts of my feelings. My memories are tainted too. I am logical enough to see what is happening to a degree and know that there are still feelings in there, significant feelings, but they seem to be on hold right now. I have to much anger and resentment to let them out. I have a little compassion too. Believe it or not, I am angry with her and feel bad for her at the same time. It’s sad that she’s given up her home, her marriage, a chunk of time with her son, financial stability etc. in the search for happiness.
It’s been only a week since she’s left. The first few days seemed very emotional for her. They were for me too. Since then, I’ve become distant and have kept our communication short and only focused on our son. It’s not so much a strategy, I just don’t want to talk to her. I guess it wouldn’t hurt if she missed me though. There doesn’t seem to be any sign of it however. It’s only been a week I know, but she has gone from emotional to being chipper and like she’s my buddy in our conversations. She has even tried to take care of some things back at our house, she’s checked on me to see that I was doing OK, and has been concerned for how I am doing. She has taken very little from our house as she wants to be able to make it on her own. It sounds like she needs this whole thing as an exercise for growing up.
I don’t want to be her buddy though. I don’t want to be chatty and playful with her. I don’t even want to go to our son’s teacher conference with her tonight. I’m going to stay home and play Guitar Hero with him.
I still find myself wondering where my wife went though. I wonder where the girl who used to look at me like she used to, the girl who would say forever and ever, the girl who was so sweet, loving, and caring went to. I want to go there and find her.
As I write this, I realize that maybe I do miss her. It’s just that I miss the old her and not W-2.0.
Like so many of you others have mentioned, it is still so hard to understand how they can wear the happy face, but then say they’re done and nothing has changed.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
