feel like giving up - talk to me!

[soleil]

I feel especially low right with no control over my life. I am not that kind of woman so I am doing everything in my power to stay afloat.

As hard as it is, try to change your thinking. You are in complete control of your life. Take a deep breath and say it out loud. You are a smart, strong, good woman, mother, and wife. Breathe.

He asked me two weeks ago and recently talked about it (as if I'm still gonna go)

Once again, I see some light in yoru tunnel, though you may not feel it. I know the stonewalling is the WORST thing ever but at least he's asking you to go to the party with him! Toward the end, my hub went to a wedding and didn't even tell me until afterward! He told the guests I "couldn't make it."

Go, enjoy yourself, have an awesome time and a cocktail. Whisper in his ear that you have a little surprise for him when you get home. Wink

[luvless]

I must say after talking to you guys this morning I got a little boost. I didn't feel so crappy today. I prayed..worked out..cleaned up my house and lit some candles. I made a nice dinner for H when he comes home (not for him but for me) this is my usual thing.

I still have that ache in my heart but I feel a little better today. I had a good friend leave me a message on facebook that gave me a lift too! I am blessed. I have 4 great friends! (well you know...the ones you can count on)

I am going to try really hard not to let H see me sad - damn it's hard. Again I must tell you guys - coming here really helps maintain some sense.

XOXO
Luv

[luvless]

Once again, I see some light in yoru tunnel, though you may not feel it. I know the stonewalling is the WORST thing ever but at least he's asking you to go to the party with him! Toward the end, my hub went to a wedding and didn't even tell me until afterward! He told the guests I "couldn't make it."

OH don't give him too much credit. I think if I didn't go he wouldn't mind all that much. That is really sh*tty your H did that to you Sol (shaking my head)

[luvless]

Here's what you're going to do... tomorrow you're going into that party with a different mindset. You're going to enjoy yourself irrespective of H or not. You're usually the quiet one right? Well, tomorrow night you're going to make some noise... (do not drink) Add this to your assignment today: Get online and find three new jokes. Memorize them and practice telling them (to your kids).

At dinner tomorrow night you're going to tell your jokes, meet new people and completely ignore your H and his antics. Turn the tables around on him. Mirror his behavior. Dance with a stranger. Have fun. Laugh. And enjoy yourself.

Believe me G - I am with you on this one. I'm not gonna be the usual quiet guest. I'm going to make my rounds and be very social. I'm going to look pretty cute too

[luvless]

I couldn't wait to update this morning. Ok so you guys know I've been biting my tongue right? Well I kept to myself last night (refused to be sad) and made a nice dinner and such as you read above. H came home and lately has not given me a kiss (like usual) just comes in matter of fact..not even a hi. I act like he doesn't phase me and ask him if he'd like his dinner now or after he works out? I serve him (havent been doing that lately) after he works out and he says thanks. My friend stops by and we go talk in the room - he likes her and I didn't want him to enjoy our company. He comes into the room blah blah. She leaves and we go to the family room and sit down.

He says, "why don't we listen to some Christmas music" to my daughter. He's still ignoring me so I'm talking as if usual and I tell him my friend is fighting with her boyfriend etc - how he isn't listening to her and doesn't care. He then heckles, "heh I stopped caring years ago" I got really mad but I thought BOUNDARIES. I looked him dead in the eye and I said, "that was disrespectful" and I left the room. He comes in and says, "why did you leave?" I said, "because you were being rude and disrespectful." He gets his attitude and goes to walk out and I say, "don't turn this around - it's YOUR behavior that wrong here. He said, "fine (kinda rolling his eyes) will you come and sit down - I thought we'd listen to some music?" so I said, "are you going to be disrespectful?" and he said, "no." I said ok, then I'll come sit with you.

This is confusing? If he is so irritated with me and hasn't cared for years like he said...why doesn't he just leave me alone? I hate the ambiguity!

[soleil]

Oh gosh! The power plays are so maddening! The good thing he listened to you and that you guys spent time listening to music. Keep up the good work, Luv. I know it's hard but I bet he is feeling like such a jerk by ignoring you!

[Gnosis]

Applause! Well done LL. Right now ignoring him and excluding him is working. Keep doing what works. That wasn't really a boundary, but good job on standing up for yourself and calling him out on his crap.

Where is the status report of what you have been doing to make yourself feel good? (Gnosis taps his toe with impatience...)

1. Workout - What did you do and for how long?
2. Get toes done - who did it and what color?
3. Shopping - where did you go, what did you get, how long were you gone?
4. 3 Jokes - did you get them? have you practiced them?

What? Surprised? I told you I would hold you to it. Along with the status report you need to list the 3 things you're going to do today.

[Ready2Change]

I got really mad but I thought BOUNDARIES. I looked him dead in the eye and I said, "that was disrespectful" and I left the room.

I feel this was a good boundary. You took action and removed yourself from an emotionally hurtful situation. Great job! You also channeled your anger into healthy action.

[luvless]

Luv ya G lol ok ok here's the stats

1 - worked out for 40 mins
2 - got toes done in deep red
3 - honestly bailed on shopping
4 - i found one zebra joke pretty funny

Today

1 - exfoliating
2 - exfoliating
3 - leaving early to head over other side of town for dinner party

Thought I'd tell you he wanted me to come up like take the train or have S drop off so we could be in one car. I thought for sure he'd say, "just take your car" so we wouldn't have to be in the same car on the ride home tonight. I don't get it....anyway

ps...the boundary thing...can u explain how it wasn't really a boundary?

[luvless]

Oh gosh! The power plays are so maddening! The good thing he listened to you and that you guys spent time listening to music. Keep up the good work, Luv. I know it's hard but I bet he is feeling like such a jerk by ignoring you!

Oh I don't think so. He's a pretty cold guy when he's mad. I don't think he feels any guilt at all...he likes to punish me.