WASs deal with a lot of the pain/grief alone before they ever walk away. So, XH did a lot before you ever knew anything, before he ever started his A too. WASs also deal with a lot of the pain/grief only AFTER they really lose the LBS. You have had to deal with the loss of XH. XH has not had to deal with the loss of you because he hasn't lost you, and he surely knows that. So, he (1) has a huge head start on you, (2) was able to process a lot of pain/grief without having to do it with bomb/A overhead on him, and (3) has much less to deal with because he did not lose you. In addition, in no doubt helps one to quit looking backward and to quit obsessing about the past when one moves forward in life and in relationships. The past becomes rather tedious and boring if you aren't making your present life about your past. So, his new R no doubt helps there. The initial joy of falling in love is also a good cushion. As is the ongoing love and support found in a LTR romantic partnership that works. XH seems to have found one of these.
So, please reject the temptation to assume that XH's R must really be crap (no sign that it is) and that it will fail and that it will crash and burn. EVEN if this is true (which I don't think it is), leaning on wishes of pain and destruction for another to get through the day is (1) codependence at its ugliest, (2) very sad for your kids when the target is their father, (3) sure to keep you stuck, bitter, and looking backwards when XH's life doesn't suck as badly as you want it to. You've turned away from that unhealthy path, don't let the holidays tempt you into indulging yourself with an easy fix by taking another stroll down it.
Instead, focus on making XH's life and its success or failure irrelevant to you except insofar as him having a great life is much better for the kids than him having a bad life. Focus on making your life great. When you are happy, engaged, moving forward, you too find the old crap just plain tedious. I've seen it. It isn't that the past wasn't important, the good and the bad are both very important. It's simply beating a dead horse thing... If you obsessed EVERY DAY about your mom, it would get darn old too...
So, take the happy path. Keep doing what you are doing. Make those connections, make new traditions. And don't self-victimize by indulging your pity parties. If the old decorations don't work for you this year, IGNORE THEM. Solve the problem when it isn't painful. Instead, do a theme tree. You're an ART teacher for goodness sake. Do an origami tree, a fruit and nut tree, a wish tree, whatever. But DO NOT do the indulgent thing and sob through sorting a bunch of old ornaments. You've been a victim enough, you crave it, but don't feed that craving.
high road, happy path, you know how to do it, you deserve it.
