libby, The stages and time lines are just "maps" for the course. No two people will go through the stages/time lines the same way. Why? Because each human being is different personality wise, childhoods are different and people just react differently. So, toss the maps out the window and listen to the group.
First, protect your assets. Second, live your life to the fullest. Third, keep the focus on you and your children. Fourth, leave the door ajar, but keep moving foward and last but not least. Fifth, understand that it is a 50/50 chance that he may not want to reconcile when he grows up, if he grows up.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Trusting, I still wonder if my H's changes are good or bad too! 3 years too? wow, has it flown by for you or dragged on forever???
LIBBY, I think the best thing for you to do is just watch and wait, but live your life in the meantime.
I agree, dont think so much about the phases of MLC...it will drive you crazy!!
Chances are it will be a long time for him to work thru things.
I didnt hear you mention if you have kids? What are you doing to GAL???
Last edited by kissak; 12/01/0909:49 PM.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I have 4 children. D aged 21 and 19 and S 16 and 13 years.
Having lost a lot of weight, like most LBS, I have bought new clothes that make me look different. I have a new hairstyle and I am planning on joining a gym.
Some friends bought concert tickets for different groups to see over the next year or so and another friend and I are planning to have a trip abroad in 18 months (I need to save the money).
Since H has been away I have become knowledgable about my car and booked onto a car maintenance course, organise car insurance, get the house painted and drive to cities I would never have gone to (he would have driven) looking at Uni's for my second daughter.
Actually when I list what I have already done I am quite impressed myself!
libby, You should be impressed w/what you've accomplished thus far. There is still a lot to learn and places to travel to when time and money are available.
Your h doesn't have a clue what he's missing, i.e., a wonderful wife, companion and friend. Some day, he'll see the light. Until then.....continue moving forward.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
That is an impressive list! I myself have lost about 70 pounds since all this began! That is one great thing that has come from all of this because I tell you, it wouldnt have happened with my H there!
Wow, Im sure 4 kids are keeping you busy, especially teenagers!
Sounds like you are doing good at GAL. Hope is good...we can always have hope!
Im sure your H will see what he is missing at home...Give it some time. Keep working on yourself!
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
H has gone to ground since last week although he did text about a school matter on Monday.
My D 19 informs me she has texted him twice and he hasn't responded. It's really hard on the kids when this happens. I know where he is but he has said he is fine to them so they don't understand.
It's his birthday on Sat(52)which he's not spending with us. Wondered if he has gone to ground because of this?
I haven't texted him at all since he visited last Wednesday only to acknowledge the school text on Monday.
I would give a generic birthday card or something from the kids from the whole family you hand it to him on the birthday out celebration On the 13th, I would not call/text him at all on his birthday I always kept everything stable for the kids daddy is busy daddy love you Daddy has so things he needs to work thru Relationships dont aleways last forever we can pray for him God is father of the house now I think this helped my kids later in the crises I told them Daddy was sick he is on medication It is apparent anyway that he is nuts I always said he loved them and its not their fault they seem to be ok Both thriving and good in school No problems yet anyway keep everything stable let H go be upbeat and cordial no questions--validate him find new activities church friends dancing reading gym ect you are doing well
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
