I agree. Especially because he's an extrovert and seems to be image conscious.
OK, men.
Overview... He claims to not be in love with me anymore, but spends a great deal of time w/me w/the kids, and engages me, a lot. If he senses I'm a bit sad, or I'm hiding a reaction to something that was sad/bad, whatever, he tries to fix it (ie, suggesting we stop at a mall on the way home from a soccer tournament - he knows I like(d) to shop, keeps checking in w/my emotions, but at arms length... makes a little joke, purposely asks me questions, etc...). He, initially threatened to leave (12/07), but didn't, after the holidays, because he didn't want the boys growing up like D18 grew up having to go between homes, hating it, cutting off her Dad, etc... At one emotional point, he even told me, once he's settled all of the IRS stuff, and has us handled, he will just handle things "his way." (reeked of self-harm). (This was all PRE-DB'ing, btw...) And, don't go crazy on this topic because he's said crazy things in the past, and he's a "lasherouter," and if you ask later, he looks at you like you've grown horns.
So, here we are. He knows how deeply I'm hurting. He spends all of his time w/me w/the boys, and D18 (when she appears!) on weekends when he's home, and the nights he is home during the week. He sleeps next to me. He hugs and kisses me hello and goodbye. His hugs are genuine. His kisses, fairly robotic. DBing has been such a blessing to him. I don't "rock the applecart" anymore! I don't beg, plead, cry to him... I just suffer quietly.
And, he is a tough bugger to figure out. Everything you've said above is true. Life of the party, always the one being sought out for a laugh, help, etc... He reminds me of his Dad. Everyone would fawn over him, over ridiculous reasons. His Dad LOVED me! I would call him on it all the time. He would always kind of snicker afterward, too. Like, I had caught him in his act, and no one else had any idea what he was doing.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
