For those with a WAS...How do you cope?

[courts0818]

A couple of things...

First, H, DD, and I were invited to a 1st bday party for our friend's son. The party is on Sunday and I haven't said anything to H. This is one of my really good friends from high school and my H and her H get along really well. I don't think my H is going to go, but should I invite him anyway since the invitation was to the 3 of us? Keep in mind - these friends don't know what's going on with us.

Should I invite him? Not invite him and go without him? IDK. I do NOT want to come across as pursuing! I'm in a good place right now and I don't want to ruin my consistent effort at pulling away from him.

I thought about sending him a simple text like this, "We were invited to ____'s 1st bday party. It's Sunday at 2pm. DD & I are going. If you want to go, we are leaving at 1:45pm."
Thoughts?

Also...I'm having a bit of a challenge knowing how to act when H's at our home. I'm having a hard time finding a balance....not being standoffish/unfriendly and yet not being overly pleasant to the point where it comes across as pursuing. I really struggle with this.

I know how to pull away from him (i.e. not contact him when he's not here), I know how to GAL and do things for myself. But, how do I act around him? I need to show him a fun, upbeat, positive, cheery version of myself...bc that person still exists.

He has said that he felt like he couldn't relax in his own home (I had too many rules and nagged him too much). I want him to be able to relax and be comfortable, so do I just act like everything is A-okay? Like it's fine when he leaves for a handful of days and doesn't contact me at all? Like life is great - even though we are separated?
It's akward bc sometimes we go 1-4 days with no contact at all.

So...
Do I greet him when he comes home? Say goodbye when he leaves? Let him know when dinner's ready? Do I initiate any type of conversation? Do I tell him the things DD did that day?

I'm doing well in other areas and I want to do better with my interactions with him. I'm kinda stuck and could use advice. : )