I think I am almost at that point of not really caring any more. She pulled stupid $hit last night and came home at 2:30 AM. I am sick of it and frankly it puts the family at risk as she is drinking and driving.
The oddity of all this is (looking in the rear view mirror of life) she gives me hints of what is about to happen by the actions she takes. My wife starts treating me nice. This builds for a few hours or even a whole day or more Then I get the kiss or hug good bye. The kiss or hug is more of a Judas kiss just before betrayal.
I now know that the $hit is about to hit the fan when this happens. She is going to do something stupid yet one more time. Each time she pulls this crap I get more hardened towards her.
A thought crossed my mind last night when the garage door slammed and woke me up at 2:30, of life without my W. No drama. No bull$hit. No tall stories of why she came home so late. No lies. No worries of am I ticking her off or not pleasing her. After all those thoughts a calm came over me. It felt like a big wave. It sounds stupid but it really felt good. I felt something in me that I haven’t felt in a very long time…real confidence.
I have been reading and changing so much in the last 8 months. It has made me a better person. I have made unbelievable changes if I may say so myself. I am now confident like back in the day. Actually more confident than back in the day. And in all that reading and making myself better I hit this one website that someone here recommended. What I read there set me free….Borderline personality.
It helped confirm what so many people, friends and family have told me about my W. She is having serious issues and they were worried about her. W has confirmed multiple time she has huge issues with her mom that she needed to work through with a Dr. That is the basis for this personality..mom issues. This I believe set the rest of me free.
I used to type all this detaching stuff etc but as soon as I saw my kids I would keep that hope alive that the M could come back to spare my children and me all the pain of D I think that is gone now. I saw my kids this morning and it didn’t happen.
