<<you get a chance to fall in love with someone or something all over again>>
Hey, I am a gemini as well...thanks Ali. So i guess NGF is due for some TLC.....or somebody else???
You sound better today K. I was reading the DB book yesterday(not for me but for you)...more precisely the recovering from infidelity section. Interesting stuff. It apparently is normal for the person who was cheated on to have these feelings (one day in one day out / you know what I mean). So don't be so hard on yourself....and stop worrying about other people and what they thought or think etc.....who cares. It is about YOU and H...let the other folks think what they want.
As far as the list is concerned:
the mail to her: at this point he will surely say that it is not neccesary, he has had no contact with her, he sees no reason to rehash this etc. etc. / if indeed he has had no contact, he may have a point. He used the tiger startegy, keep quiet and it will go away.
his passwords: this is a tricky one. by asking him for the passwords, you are basically saying i do not trust you. If I were in his shoes that would be a huge sign that my spouse has trust issues and I would not only give the passwords but try to make those issues go away. Of course he may be protecting you because she still sends him stuff.
to get rid off whatever she gave him/is connected to her :gifts, tapes etc etc: are you aware of what those gifts are?
answer a few questions he avoids to: like what???
change cars: just get them cleaned by a professional, alot cheaper than a new car.
tell me he loves me: I am sure he has told you many times since his return.....no?
wear his ring: he does not wear his ring?
hug me and kiss me more: do you hug and kiss him?
I have not told you for a while but I am pulling for you!
He doesnt wear his ring He hasnt told me "I love you", ever I do hug and kiss him I want the cars changed No I am not aware about all the gifts but I am pretty sure about some... John, I used to have all his passwords until he had the A. That is how I saw the first innocent email from her. I had the password he had given me, I was never checking on him, when he started acting funny, I checked and he changed it.
You sound surprised there is a trust issue. I am totally surprised you are surprised. I mean, HOW COULD I POSSIBLE NOT have a TRUST ISSUE?
The email : I told him to send it the first time she contacts him. Because she will. K
I realize I am a little late in the game here, sweetie, but with regards to the libido: I wonder if your H has some guilt issues that are making it difficult for him to deal with, and this might be the reason?
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I am NOT surprised there is a trust issue....not at all....where do you get that from? I am surprised he has not told you he loves you and does not wear his ring and has not been able to be intimate with you ... and ok ok, I am a little surprised that you want the cars changed!
You mean NOT since the A or NOT since you have known him? big difference. I know I am late with the intimacy issue, and it may have been posted about before but I wondered IF he is awaiting his own results from STD tests? and is trying to protect you.
I guess he could / can block her emails or are they work collegues? I understand about changing cars,must be girl thing John!
I meant since the the truth came out and he said he wants me. He will say "if I didnt love you I wouldnt be here" and thinks like that, but not "I love you" yet. And the last time I heard it was before the affair started, 3 year ago.
STDs? I dont think he would do that, go check himself. I think he considers her a "good girl" and therefore "safe". BUt maybe that was the reason he seemed a bit cold towards her? Who knows? Maybe she told him something and he got upset. Who knows?
They are not collegues. They never were. She worked for a company that sponsors the team and travelled with them. Sept 2008 she was fired. Last thing he told me, she still hasnt found a job. (Karma baby!).
He could block his emails on his yahoo. And thank you naej for getting the thing about the cars... K
I think all those things on your list are fine things.....and do-able. Have you told him?
And I TOTALLY get the car thing
We have also changed our bed even though OW was never near it. My H DID let her near my kids - no changing them I guess , (though sorely tempted to try trading DD2 at the moment!!!)
I get stuck with dates - I think I may have said to you that last time he was 'with' OW was on my youngest D's B'day one year. I still feel sick every time it is her B'day and I really begrudge my H that.
You can do this Maria if you want to. Your H needs to give you the incentive to a make you want this, if he wants it. He's a man, ( no offence to you great DB men), he may need it spelling out if you haven't already done so. If you have, how about a sign on the door with your bullet points that you posted.....just as a reminder to him?
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
, (though sorely tempted to try trading DD2 at the moment!!!)