Tulsa, I live in Texas. I think it takes at least 60 days in Texas for D to be finalized. But, the kicker is, I am protected under an act the military is protected under from any legal action, while deployed. So, that gives me about 5 months total. Not sure what I can do in the 3 months I am still deployed, and then 2 months home that will make a difference besides to continue to DB. Ya, she spewed filth about a D around early Oct, Nov, but not much about D since. I am assuming that it will start back up soon, as she doesn't have much else to threaten me with, and I am returning home soon. When she does that, she KNOWS that it hurts me, so she just keeps digging that knife in, twisting it. She knows that I dont want D, and I'm sure she will start to use that against me. Not sure how to react to that, but will do so when the time comes. I am so thankful for all of the posters. Everyone brings a little something to the table. But, ya Puppy, Coach and Greek have weighed in heavily in my thread, and I am so appreciative of that.
"embrace the suck" - Coach "don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy Let Go and Let God Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010
Why is it I am expecting to hear from her is some fashion? I mean, why isn't she contacting me, spewing that spew? I know my wife, and she always gets the last word in. This concerns me as I draw closer to re-uniting with my boys. Her silence, is not golden. She sent me a text from the grocery store last night telling me how much she spent on groceries, but nothing else. I am really starting to feel dread as the day moves closer to me going back. And this should be a joyous time for me and the family, but the harsh reality is, she is going to do everything she can, to make my 2 weeks there as miserable as possible-I CAN FEEL IT. Evil, Vindictive, Spiteful, Mean-she is all of those, and more.
"embrace the suck" - Coach "don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy Let Go and Let God Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010
Detaching means you have no expectations about the outcome of a event. You still prepare to the best of your ability but no expectations on the outcome because you don't control it. You control yourself before, during and after that's it.
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Evil, Vindictive, Spiteful, Mean-she is all of those, and more.
So why is it she is a good wife? What's the attraction here?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Coach, I meant that is the way she is behaving right now! I really need to do work on this detachment stuff, and gain control of myself. I think I have to figure out ways to block out the emotional aspect of all of this, and take it for what it really is: Basically I am D right now, there just isn't a piece of paper or a court order making it legal. She wants absolutely NOTHING to do with me, and I need to do the same to her. Let go and let God. It is so easy to write or say...
"embrace the suck" - Coach "don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy Let Go and Let God Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010
I did not mention this in my original post, but W has told her co-workers, friends and family that she is D me. What effect, if any, will that have on our sitch? I have read that the more people that know, the worse off they are, that they don't want to "look" bad to all of them. Thoughts?
"embrace the suck" - Coach "don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy Let Go and Let God Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010
Script, fog, alien abduction, spew, affairs, talking about D to co-workers/friends are all just defense mechanisms to protect their feelings. To a WAS the pain of staying is greater then the pain of leaving. It's how she is coping. Doesn't make it right or healthy but it's how she is handling it.
Validating her feelings helps. "I understand how you could feel that way." You aren't agreeing but empathising with her. This is how you connect with people.
Understand what she is doing but it is out of your control. If it is really bothering you then bring it up with no expectations. This concept calms your fears ("snakes on a brain") and lets you move forward towards a solution.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I CAN FEEL IT. Evil, Vindictive, Spiteful, Mean-she is all of those, and more.
I asked this of someone else, and now I need to ask you. Please tell us 3 things you love about her, and she is the mother of my boys cannot be one of them.
Coach, I have done that in the past, but right now we are really NOT communicating at all, so validation really isn't an option, however, if/when she says anything like that, I will surely validate her feelings.
Sad Girl, wow, I think I am being set up here, but here goes: 1. I love that she was my best friend. 2. I love the way she always pushed me to do well in my job and career, when I didn't think I could do some things. I can only get 2 out. I don't know why that is, but there it is-2. 2 things I love about my W. Wow, what does that say???
"embrace the suck" - Coach "don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy Let Go and Let God Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010
Well just got off the phone with BIL. He told me that she is going to have me served right as I get off the plane. Classy huh? Especially if my boys are there. She called him Monday crying, saying that I cut her off from the money. He asked her "what did you expect him to do?" And then he asked her if I was paying the bills, she said yes, then he told her "what are you crying about then?" He said she said ya, you're right, and changed the subject. She also told him that she was "done". So much drama, and so many things going through my head...
"embrace the suck" - Coach "don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy Let Go and Let God Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010
