okay, disregard my post on my thread...your killing me here! lol can I just send you some of my stuff as a gift??? I hate seeing you suffer like this!! and I'm really being serious.
on the 5LL, I would agree that QT is probably one of his top, Is there anything he complains about consistently? that is another way to tell. now, if it's words of affirmation, he's not going to complain about you not telling him he looks good, or whatnot, that would seem wimpy for a guy, but he might say you don't respect or appreciate him, or gosh...guys help me out, I can't think of anything.
one thing to note, that my top love language is WOA, but for some reason, I find it hard to say things to other people, in person that is. So, I'm kinda backwards on that, and maybe he is too.
maybe someday you can choose a week to focus on QT, and the next, WOA, and so on and see what kind of results you get each week? that might not be long enough, but doing 2 weeks each would take like over 2 months. I'm impatient. lol
okay, for real MF, let me know about what I said, we have a promo till xmas going on so this is the perfect time for me to do it, and besides, I would love to do that for you anyways.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Kalni... I think I wrote it the wrong way! He opens the gifts, shows appreciation for them, but never... uses them. Not all of them, just some. No, he's not that cold!
I have no idea if I had swine flu or not... lingering cough (2 weeks) that got worse over a weekend, finally went to Dr. on a Wednesday, and was diagnosed. That was three weeks ago.
I'm afraid to (type it out loud), but I think I feel better today! I'm trying hard to REST, instead of going on a walk, meeting a friend for lunch, do some shopping, as I know I need to rest.
Onward and upward!!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
What kind of person doesnt open the gifts his family gives him??????
Quote:
He opens the gifts, shows appreciation for them, but never... uses them. Not all of them, just some.
That's a great question Kalni asked. Why doesn't he use them?
Wrong gift - If so maybe he doesn't feel understood, his wife and family don't know what he wants, no connection.
Not worthy of gifts - self-esteem issues, depression, FOO issues, guilt
What else?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Wrong gift / Not worthy of gifts / What else? Maybe we're trying to read too much into this...
Sometimes the answer is so simple that we can't see it. Example: "I" am not a gift receiving person. Sorry, I'm not, but I do try show appreciation because I know it's expected. And if a gift is useful, I'll use it. I don't read too much into gifts I receive. I don't feel misunderstood and there is nothing wrong with my self-esteem WRT it. Go figure... I guess I am nuts!
Coach & Kalni: No disrespect intended and both of you could be right. In many other posts you're spot-on for many situations. All I'm doing is providing an alternative viewpoint from my perspective. Sometimes we read too much and become too analytical over the minutest things. I'm guilty of this too.
Let's remember the spirit of giving... it's to give freely and without expectation. The Expectation is what kills us. We spend a lot of time and thought into selecting the gift. We hope that this be exactly what the receiver wants and needs. Our expectation is that they will appreciate it, use it and make it a part of their life. When they don't we are disappointed. We feel like our efforts have been ignored, discounted and rejected.
So what do we do then? We analyze to see where we fell short when in fact the answer could be staring us in the face that "He's Just Not Into... Gifts."
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
We analyze to see where we fell short when in fact the answer could be staring us in the face that "He's Just Not Into... Gifts."
That's my point it's the wrong "gift." What kind of "gift" would show that he was understood for who he is.
Mindfulls husband sounds like the life of the party but has no close friends. The old tears of a clown idea. Very lonely on the inside. Giving a "gift" that doesn't connect with him validates his idea that he is lonely. Far-fetched could be, but this sitch is a bugger to figure out.
Gnosis, no snuggie for you this year then, geez.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I agree. Especially because he's an extrovert and seems to be image conscious.
Quote:
Gnosis, no snuggie for you this year then, geez.
ROFL. Absolutely not!
Coach, whatcha trynado? Talk about a wrong gift... LOL. (I'm currently in the southern hemisphere - 90 deg F temps and high humidity. Down about 50lbs since the bomb from following the LBS diet.)
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
He never has, just "brought me home stuff," if he was out and about. And, if he traveled on his own, he brought gifts back for all of us, but they were SO (quick, get something at the airport!)!
I also think I'm guilty of the wrong gifts. Example: I asked him the other night about this speaker phone thing that would make his driving easier (on the phone constantly w/his drivers) that I bought him for xmas last year. The thing was quite pricey, and he opened it, showed appreciation for "the gift," but it's sitting in his nightstand drawer, still! My approach was, "H, I was putting away your socks today, and was reminded of the speakerphone. Did you forget we got it for you?" H says, "I told you multiple times that I don't want things like that. I could use a blue-tooth in my ear, too, but I don't. It's hard enough to hear in a truck, and I like to use a handset." Me, "Gosh, the only time I remember the topic coming up was when we talked about the blue-tooth earpieces (he thinks people look stupid walking around talking to people w/no evidence of a phone.) I didn't realize you didn't want ANY kind of the technology. Feel free to tell me next time if you don't like something I get you! I'm glad to take it back, exchange it, whatever..."
And, a positive example is... H told me about seeing our friend at the mall last xmas season (he and his wife own a fur store). And, about falling in love w/this shearling coat, but didn't love the price. I heard about this coat three different times, and he is NOT a hinter, so he must just have loved the coat. So, at next chance, off I go to the mall, buy the darned coat, and give it to him for xmas (and our anniversary - in Jan) since it was so expensive, and I knew he thought it was a LOT. He nearly fell over. LOVED the coat!!!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
