what i have done is basically not answer the phone with 1st call, been cheery(and meant it!), listened and only offered anything when he asked my opinion, kept everything short and sweet but did show interest...sincerly
NOPE. Classic mistake.
Your husband is treating you like CRAP and you are allowing it. Not only that, you THEN are trying to act all happy and cheerful, trying to be SUCH a great listener by showing interest etc. etc..
THAT isn't what works on men like your husband...
You are doing the correct things such as not calling him, ending the conversation first, not asking him about dinner or coming home.
Your mistake is in the "being cheery" to him when you answer the phone...
The "cheery" part should come across to him more like you are cheery BECAUSE you want to get OFF the phone from him. That you are cheery because you are done whining and crying and pursuing a man who treats you like crap.
You will also have a better chance for him to change his course if you act NOT INTERESTED in what he says and more "in your own world and in a hurry to get OFF the phone because you have LOST interest in HIM...
He needs to feel as if he may have LOST you. You are trying to come across as being distant on one hand and then when he calls you sound like a giddy high school girl who has just heard from her boyfriend.....
You don't act mean to him. You need to act distant. You need to be sounding like you are cutting him short on the phone calls because you have LOST interest.
There is a big difference in acting cheery to hear from him and cheery because you are getting him to wonder WHY you are so cheery to get OFF the phone and don't seem so interested in him anymore.
You want him to be asking this in his mind.. "Why is she cutting me off so quickly and seems so uninterested in me anymore and sounds like she is happy to get OFF of the phone? What is making her so happy and making her cut me off? Is there someone else? Have I gone too far? Am I losing her?"
Get it? Once he starts doing that type of self talk means that you already have moved him from "she is pressuring and pursuing me".. to... "what have I done?"
All this because of YOUR new way of responding to him.... Change his self talk and you change the dynamics.... You change his self talk by letting him WONDER if YOU have had enough and letting him wonder why you aren't so interested in how great he is and how much you need a man who treats you like crap... etc. etc.
You can NOT allow a man to treat you like this one is and then think he is going to fall back in love with you by being a doormat. Doormats are for walking on.
