Question

[awest1217]

H did text me this morning. Just a normal..have a good day, hope you slept well...blah blah blah. For those of you who think I have completely changed in my focus towards my M. I haven't. H saying he wants to be with me and wants to be home before Christmas. I like to hear it. It gives me hope. However, I have learned from many many experiences that H talks a good talk, but never walks it. After hearing it, I was just waiting for things to "get back to normal". I knew he would not keep up the coming over, calling, and texting. It is too much work for him. Last weekend and the past couple of weeks, we worked into his "codependence". We needed him. I was sick. Then S was sick. The holidays. The tubes. Decorating for Christmas. Now things are back to normal, or at least he thinks that. I am loosing my voice due to having a cold. S is complaining his ear hurts and is crying again at night because he misses H. We always need him because he is a missing part to our family. He just doesn't necessarily see it that way.

I am still committed to my M. Like I have said before, we will see what the first of the year brings. I am feeling better though about things, which is good. I think him leaving again (very quickly), not having time to process, getting sick, the holidays. It just all got to me. I learned last weekend by setting up the tree by myself and decorating with just S that it can be ok to do it by myself. I even put up everything as if H was home. Our wedding ornaments, his stocking, his nutcrackers (been getting one each year since he was a baby), everything.

Looking forward to a quick day and getting this week over. The first snow is scheduled for tomorrow into Friday. Saturday is Christmas cookie baking. Next week I am taking Wednesday off so S can see the dentist and having the day to get things done like grocery shopping, maybe some christmas shopping, etc because my weekends are full. Next weekend is S's friend's b-day party. The next weekend is my anniversary weekend so I hope H is home, but if not maybe ice skating or something fun to keep my mind off of it. Then Christmas. Busy, Busy, Busy!