GIMA = thank you. You are so right. And I'm going to be reminding you of patience too!
I'm finally feeling hope after so many months of pain. H confirmed to me that having a separation agreement that outlines our financial and custodial issues in the case of a D, actually relieves his mind to be able to go into MC and really work on our R. He sounds ready to go in and start looking at the R. FINALLY.
We have a long road ahead. But he started opening up to me about what has hurt him and why he is "skeptical" about our R. I really tried the listen and validate thing. Don't get me wrong, I'm also finally ready to express my feelings about his verbal abuse and not let him get away from hearing it. However, if he can finally start telling me why he has left - instead of just shutting me out, and being angry and blaming, like he's been for so long, it's a sign of him softening. If he can feel heard and validated, perhaps he will feel safer to hear me too.
I'm really hopeful about the therapy. It's still going to be a long road and this is so painful. But the glimmer of hope I'm feeling is something I haven't felt in months. Piggy backed on my new backbone of not taking his abuse, planning to live a good life with or without him, focussing on making myself happy, I think we're making some valuable steps in the right direction.
Thank you to all my friends who keep up with me and have given me so much support and wisdom. I couldn't be doing this without you. I wish I could meet you all and give you big hugs.
PS - he hasn't committed to coming home, but does agreeing to work on the R in MC count as "piecing?" IF not, what does?
