Hope and heartache

[ClingingToHope]

Over at the old house to take D10 to swimming practice when W gets home early. While D10 was getting ready, I picked up an American Girl Doll magazine and was leafing through it. I thought it was interesting that it was out because the girls are going to miss out on their annual American Girl Doll store visit because W doesn't have the money.

W asked if I was going to have time to sit down and decide the vacation schedule this week. She did not bring up the camps.

I told her to email me the dates she was going to take off and then I'll pick my three weeks around those.

After swimming, she asked if I could stay for a few minutes so she could run out and buy groceries. D7 was excited. She asked if I was moving back in? I said no, mommy needed to run to the store.

Then I snooped. Haven't been able to stop myself. Got on her FaceBook -- it's really easy -- and saw a possible OM emailed her. It's an old classmate who has sent her a couple of ingratiating messages, the kind of flirty stuff you send when you are trying to get to know someone better.

I deleted it. Not sure if that's the smartest thing to do -- but what's done is done. I've considered asking a friend who knows this guy to remind him that W is a married woman, but then she'd wonder how I knew in the first place. The best plan is to play it close to the vest.

After W got back, she told me that D10's teacher called to compliment D10 today. As D10 explained what she did in class, W shot me a couple of smiles and looks. I kissed the girls and left kind of suddenly. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to linger and say goodbye to W. I was late getting back to the Y to play racquetball with a coworker.

I'm not reading anything into any of the interactions.

I'm not very happy this OM keeps messaging, but what can I do about it? I keep telling myself to act "as if." As if this is going to work out and this is just a phase.

Today was just another day to check off on the long road ahead for me. As Dottie reminded me, I'm not actually getting divorced. Nothing has been filed. Tomorrow is another day and I'll get the girls for the night.