I really appreciate your replies, and they have given me much to think about, especially because you relate real personal and believable experiences in a way that I can picture as possibilities. I have clearly lost perspective of what's possible and what should be after all these years in a SSM. I have to read your replies several times each as various aspects slowly sink in.
There are so many ways one loses perspective in an SSM, as you all probably know all too well. For example, it takes effort for me to picture how a couple has sex 3-5 times a week. What does the guy do to pull that off? What does he say? What's he got that I don't? And then I have to realize it's not just the guy, but he has a wife who actually is waiting for him to make a sexual move. I have to remind myself that such wives do actually exist.
And by the same token, even harder to understand -- actually, I was shocked to learn of it -- is the supposedly not uncommon situation where ex-spouses sometimes get together to have sex. Apparently, even though other aspects of their relationship did not work, but their sexual compatibility is still good, and they sometimes get together for sexual reasons even sometimes when they're trying to date new people. When I first heard that and understood it, it provided a breathtaking contrast to my own marriage, and made me realize how much more sexually compatible some couples are than my wife and I. It forced me to realize that for some couples, sex can be an irresistable activity which requires no sense of duty or having to do it for the good of the marriage, etc. And in my marriage, I can't even make any sex happen, not even out of a sense of duty or anything. Quite deflating, to say the least.
And likewise, your descriptions have helped me get a better perspective on what is possible, and what I can aim for.
Thanks! (But don't end the discussion, please! This is not a goodbye, just a thanks. This is going to be a long road.)
