He wants to come home....HELP!

[SDFoundGirl]

He has straight out said that If I am not happy with the way things are I can leave this time because he will not leave his house again. I cannot leave. It is not financially possible at this time or any time in the near future. He seems open to listening to my requests but when it comes time to execute them he becomes reluctant. I KNOW my expectations are too high and I am working on this now.

So, what do you suggest?

STOP FOCUSING ON YOUR H AND WORK ON YOURSELF!

You say you know you're smothering him, but you're still having R talk, you're still expecting something. STOP IT! It is a cheeseless tunnel. He doesn't want to do the things you ask of him, so that's why changes aren't long lasting. So STOP IT.

Now is the time to make yourself happy. I know you said you work a lot, H isn't around, blah blah, so you can't go out or GAL. Tell your H, "H, I want to go out (when), so you either need to be available to watch the kids or I will hire a babysitter. Then DO IT. If money's that tight, then he will make sure he's home to watch the kids. He has money for the bar, there's money for a sitter.

Going out doesn't require a lot of money. I didn't have much to work with myself, so I found all the free events I could. Sometimes I just hung out in the bookstore, sitting in one of the comfy chairs reading a book. Check in your local newspaper, online, etc.

If you're in a larger metro area, Meetup.com has local groups that sponsor fun events around whatever the group's theme is. I got involved in a movie group, a walking group, a sushi group, etc. The cool thing about it is that you just show up to the event, and you get to meet a lot of people.

STOP wallowing in self pity. It isn't attractive to your H. It is time to take care of yourself and make yourself happy. If your H is actually working on that in any real way, I say that's a good thing.

Just STOP!!!!

SD