Yes, the OM is a symptom is a bigger problem. The cure is to knock out the affair first, you can't reconcile if she is in a affair.
Do the work on yourself. Read lots of threads here (go look at FutureUnkown). Watching and waiting for your wife in a affair kills your self-respect. Unconditional love with strong, healthy boundaries works. Do you think it is loving, to yourself and her, to give your tacit approval to you wife's affair?
DBing is very hard and counter-intuitive.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
