WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[confusedinpa]

Gnosis & Stuck

Thanks for the quick replies

I don't think you're punishing the kids with the alternating weekend idea. They need their mother too and you're giving them what they need. What she chooses to do with the time she's given with them... is beyond your control. She'll reap the benefits of her interactions (or lack of) with the boys later on in life.

I do agree that the kids need both parents in their life, but I am concerned about the kids missing out on opportunities. Today, I had some one on one time with my 7 year old after school. I asked what he wanted to do. He said he wanted to play catch with a football. It was really nice and it really reminded me of what I missed when I was in NY. That's one thing that hurts, how my boys will miss that opportunity cuz she doesn't do that stuff with them. She just let them watch TV and stuff like that.

What's best for the kids is that Dad is happy and enjoying life. If Dad is alone and sad, how's he going to be able to demonstrate a healthy, well-balanced life to his sons?

I do agree that I need to be happy and enjoying life. I was able to do that in NY when I was coming back every weekend to see my boys so I'm not that worried about getting a life, with or without my weekends free. I just gotta get back into gear so I can do that now that I'm back in Pa.

Nah, IMHO, keep pushing on the custody you want. She's controlled you and had everything her way to this point. Fight for what you want and know is best for the kids. Never give up.

Ultimately what I want is for the kids full time, but with my lack of a job and the uncertainty of prospects, now is not a good time to push for it. So right now, I feel that the best thing for the kids, to minimize the transitions as I watch our 3 year old on Mon, Weds and Fri and my 7 year old before and after school every day. What I mean about transitions is where the kids (particularly the 3 year old) has to go from one parent to the other. What that schedule looks like I'm still trying to work through in my head as I want to make sure I still spend time with them at least every other weekend while offering as much stability as possible.

Just typing that all out gave me a headache....

She feels no remorse as to how the sitch is affecting your kids.

You're not kidding about that. Even last Monday she was on her soap box saying how she did nothing wrong as it was all my fault that made her do what she did. I called her out on it saying I wasn't the one who put another guy's c*ck in her mouth last year. She asked why I kept bringing that up. I nearly fell over but just said for the same reason why she spent all year lying about everything everytime we talked.

So with no remorse at all, there's not much left to do. I'm done waiting. I need to make sure I'm strong enough so that I can teach my boys how to survive this nightmare....

If you want to press for the custody meeting, then give her a definite date. Tell her that you want to meet on a certain day and that if she does not comply, then you will talk to your L about it and have her foot the bill.

There is a definite court date already - Dec 15th. She knows that it will happen if we don't reach agreement. That's a good idea though, as I've been asking her in my emails to pick a nite to talk. Maybe I should just ask her to talk Thurs nite and see how it goes...

So she's still driving the freight train off the cliff. No amount of reasoning or yelling is getting her to snap out of her lala land and see it (besides, I think she's found another guy again). I just gotta figure out how to get me and my boys off of it with the minimal amount of bumps and bruises......

FIDO....