First, the bad news....being sexually intimate and having an appreciable increase in sex is not likely to happen. Why? Because you've given your wife permission (and the safety) to NOT be sexually intimate with you. The fact that she "had no complaints" or didn't attempt to talk you out of a non-sexual POV is the evidence. This does not mean that there isn't some other undeerlying physical condition that contributes to this, but you, like me, gave your wife the permission to be non-sexual even though lots of things led up to this.
You appear to view sexuality much the same as I do...it's an expression of who you are and the way you feel about your love for your wife. It's not something that you do to your wife, but something to be shared with her...except she no longer wants to share. There may be other underlying causes of this AND it's no fun being you in these circumstances.
Is there any good news? Well, you have lots of time to yourself to consider who you really are, beyond who you've already been in your life and to express that. You probably don't wish to threaten to leave because it's not an expression of your love and it's not who you are. Sexual intimacy is important to you but the worst thing that you could hear is that "all you really care about is sex" or "I could just lay there and hope that you'd get finished quickly."
Writing has some therapeutic use to sort things out and to see in your own words how you think.
As I said, I know where you are coming from and the process (and the future choices) may be pretty challenging. You may truly have to choose a sexless life or some other arrangment than you have now.
I feel your pain.
Last sex: 04/06/1997 Last attempt: 11/11/1997 W Issues "No Means No" Declaration: 11/11/1997 W chooses to terminate sex 05/1998 I gained 60, then lost 85 pounds. Start running again (marathons)
