I noticed a big change in the way your H acted, by the way you wrote anyhow, when it all came out in the open. He was ashamed and I think also relieved. The lie was over and now he is trying to let all of that shame and humiliation go. I am sorry, but I think until he addresses all of that in himself he won't begin to understand all of what you felt. He is coming to grips with it all. I hope you can allow him that time.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory