Lotus is right that these thoughts are very destructive for you to be having. I remember creating images in my head of XW and her A (remember "the Snake") and all it did was drive me crazy! I know you've seen pictures which makes it 100X worse, but as long as you allow the images to pop into your head, you'll never be able to heal.
Try to tell yourself to "stop" whenever the images appear. It takes a lot of practice, but tell yourself that you won't allow these thoughts and images to cloud and contaminate your mind.
As someone who teaches an introductory Psychology class, I can tell you w/complete certainty that the mind CAN be rewired and you CAN reprogram yourself to think, act, feel, and believe in any way you wish. The key is you. You choose. You decide what you will and will not tolerate and then you get aggressive, consistent, and disciplined and your thoughts WILL change.
It is up to you and I'm not saying that changing your mindset will make you love H or anything, but what it will do is allow you to stop dwelling on these issues that have you locked up between the ears and in the heart.
Only once you are able to move past these issues will you be able to start to sort things out for yourself in the way that you really want them to happen.
With love as always, RTL
PS - Ali wrote:
Quote:
Hey I've met him and I wouldnt kick him out of bed
