Detachment

[brknheart]

It looks like you know some 180's.

What is the right balance for a LBS who was the "colder" one, when the WAH has found a lover who presumably--holds nothing back! Love and sex and reassurance all the time...

With no contact, the best thing you can do is to keep working on YOU. When contact happens, YOU will be able to project a more loving, sexier and compassionate person.

That is so true, I wish I went NC in the beginning. Ive had NC for 1 mth and 2 weeks, separated for 4 mths, with my WAS and today she came over to talk about the separation of property. The talk soon led to R talk and how unhappy she was. She claims she has been happy in the separation, but she admitted she is lonely, depressed, and scared. I stayed calm and firm, just listened. She started crying and I held her hand. I do still care about her, but I have also been deeply hurt by her and built up a wall around me. She said that I looked good (ive been working out and running 2 miles a day, lost 60lbs in 4mths). She also said that every time she comes over she sees another self-help book, asked me why I didnt do this before. I told her from the beginning I cannot change the past, only the future. The things that Ive learned in the past 4 mths during therapy and reading these books will definitively help me out in my future relationships. I feel like a new person, in control, physically fit. Sure I am scared of what the future holds but I have to keep thinking positive and do my best.