Who I am, affection without hesitations or need for reciprocity.
Today is day 1.
Awesome. I hope everything you do is from a place of confidence and not sh*t eating. YOU are making the choice and YOU are way more in charge than she is.
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What kind of support would you have wanted? Please be specific.
I was gonna say more time with girl friends and then you pretty much identified that. So, maybe try to make time for her to get out once in a while with girl friends, sisters...
I lost a parent as a teenager so that was a bit different. Mostly I wanted someone to understand that things were NOT okay. Just to relate and accept that it was a tough, painful time. I doubt that changes as an adult. I wanted to feel that my father's life mattered, that his suffering was not just an aggravation for everyone peripherally involved (mom and stepfather).
When her mother dies, your wife moves up to matriarch, even if she has siblings, she is now moving into a new role and closer to her own mortality. I have only watched friends go through that and it is a major shift.
I think trying to fix the situation or make it better is futile. Just help her embrace the suck. Not with pity but with validation and I obviously think, less words, more "I got it" glances and behaviors. That's "I got it" and "I get it." Do the best you can and whatever you do, don't blame yourself if she's falling apart or checking out. It is not about you.
Whenever you offer help or support, make it manly, not mousy.
