I also feel like the holidays make all the memories come flooding in...guess that's why I was crying yesterday..I put the tree and stockings up also...all by myself..well D17 helped with the tree..I do it for the kids..If they weren't home I may not of even pulled out the stuff. I guess I am fortunate that I will have my kids for the holidays..H doesn't really seem interested enough to have them or invite them to anything..
It can get very quiet and lonely in the evenings when things at home start to wind down..that's when everything starts flooding in..we'll be okay...I'm sure of it...at least today i am.
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
The best thing for me about being employed again is that I can't spend the day in bed crying anymore.............and I don't cry as much as I used to, just when things get overwhelming. Maybe the first sign of healing? I don't know, when the pain overtakes me, it feels just as raw as in the beginning. I am thankful for my friends here, but NONE of them, and no one near me understands like the friends on these boards. Unfortunately we are bound to an exclusive club.
I would probably not put up any decorations if it wasn't for the kids, but you know, every decoration, every ornament has a memory attached.
I know I will be okay-----some days are easier to accept it all than others. I guess that's part of the journey.
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
Yes, I agree...my job keeps me going and getting out of bed..
I actually sent my MIL a Happy Thanksgiving email...I did tell her I was doing good, not crying as much....I felt I should at least acknowledge them..after all, it's really not their fault even though they have NEVER checked on me since this whole thing started 2 years ago..kind of sad...
As slow as it may be, I also believe I am healing..if I don't see H or if I don't think about him, I'm great..I'm just living life but the minute my mind wonders, boom! I'm crying..it's very seldom now though..
Everything in my house has a memory attached to it..H did most everything himself..we even had the house built..so I guess when it's all over I truly want to move out..I want to start fresh and that mean a fresh house to create new memories. but for now, I paint, and I use colors H would never pick...he even made fun of my room, which is like and ocean green, I feel like I'm on the beach when I'm in there..very peaceful and pictures of my kids everywhere..
And I know what you mean when you say none of your friends understands...mine just want to know why I'm not divorced yet.I have a divorced friend who kind of understands, she says there are several days that she thinks about what was left behind...and she's sane...lol...and friends don't understand MLC...I guess I wouldn't either if it weren't for stumbling across this site..I've learned so much from everyone here...and I have to say, I clearly have more patience than I ever thought I would...
2 years ago I was devastated beyond belief, now Im learning I am a capable woman, with many talents...too bad H is missing out..you can't get back these moments and my moments with my kids are very important to me..
Treese
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
The ornaments were very rough for me to put on the tree the first year ex left. They had so memories attached to them. The next year I bought all new ornaments and that seemed to really help.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Well today is my son's first basketball game and I will see H for the first time in 5 months....I know he's coming because son talked to him the other day... I am very very nervous about it..I'm sure more than I need to be but what if he brings OW...I'm not sure how I will respond...I truly HATE her....sorry but I do...I thought maybe you all could give me some advice as to how to handle today..He probably won't even come near me....I do have the Plague you know..LOL...
This weekend has been so emotional for me...I guess it's all the Christmas hype and family and just everything...
Any advice would be much appreciated.....Treese
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Sooner or later, you are going to be face to face with OW. Just remember that your actions and reactions are going to be mirrored by your son. Be the better person, Treese. For now, that might mean the best you can do is pretend she doesn't exist. I'd be pretty surprised if she comes near you anyway!
Hold your head up high and act "as if" show them you are a classy lady that doesnt have to go out and take another woman's husband and one that does not give it a second thought that she has destroyed a family unit.Don't give her anymore space in your head than she has already....look good, smell good, there is no better revenge than to act like she is nothing to you.....after all look at her prize.....a liar,a cheater,a coward,a man who couldn't do what was the right thing to do,not do what felt good....just my thoughts and I am sure easier said than done...good luck....
Hi Treese, I'd be nervous too. Do you know some other parents/friends you can sit with? Can you have a plan to meet up with son after the game somewhere so you don't have to run into our H unless its on your terms? Just thinking about logistics with a plan of action might take away some of the stress.
Just put you best face on, act "as if" you are calm, collected and unaffected even if you don't feel that way. Breathe! Treat H like a neighbor/friend you haven't seen in awhile..If OW is there, treat her lke a stranger..friendly/detached...
You'll be fine! And enjoy watching your son play basketball! That's the whole reason you'll be there so focus on him. And have fun watching him!!
Last edited by kjensen; 12/06/0902:57 PM.
M44 H46 T21 Married 16y D14 D12 Bomb 12/08(EA), (PA/Separation)1/09 to 5/09 Home/MC 5/09 to 12/09 Leaves 12/09 Files for Divorce Divorce final 6/30/10.
This year son is playing up so I don't know any of the parents..1st year it's happened...figures....
I forgot to mention that my son came up to me last night wanting to sell some of his WII games and I asked why...he said, "so I can buy some Christmas presents"....of course I didnt cry then but I sobbed about it this morning....I did tell him we didn't need presents...that he knew what Christmas was all about..he understands but it makes him happy to see us smile...
Tuesday at the H.S. I work at we are having what we call Christmas in the courtyard...it's for underprivileged kids and my son helped out last year by being an elf....he is going to do it again this year and my D17 is a senior and they are in charge of the whole event....I told him last year that these kids usually never get gifts and the smiles on their faces every year we do this is all they need...we should learn from them...it's about family, not gifts...but I understand a 12 yr olds thinking...and S12 knows we are struggling financially...they all do...it's hard to hide...
I will try to act "as if" today....will be very difficult but I'll just have to hold it in until I'm alone....pray for me...
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
