SpyBunny and Chester Bunny are moved in. Mostly moved in, I still have some clothes as the house. Things went smoothly. Tomorrow I'm shopping for a bed, I'm sleeping on the couch until I get one. Details will be forthcoming- I'm wiped out.
Good to hear.
I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers tonight.
Take care of yourself.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
SpyBunny and Chester Bunny are moved in. Mostly moved in, I still have some clothes as the house. Things went smoothly. Tomorrow I'm shopping for a bed, I'm sleeping on the couch until I get one. Details will be forthcoming- I'm wiped out.
This is so good to hear. Rest. Get settled.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
You did great. I agree with everyone else that everything your H is saying is PROJECTION. Ofcourse he was going to get defensive. So does every CONTROLLING person when they dont get there way.
To answer his question "why didnt you wait till after the Holidays???" Answer: Because I've neglected myself for way too long and now I'm doing something about it. Remember, like with kids, practice Love and Logic. For adults "Im sorry you feel that way..." For kids "Im sorry for you. You made a bad choice..." Your H is somewhere in between. He made a lot of bad choices and now it's time to take BACK CONTROL of YOUR LIFE and hold him accountable for those choices.
Dont worry about the kids. They will be fine. Remember they dont know what you know. Which is good. They should be innocents in all this. Your job is to protect them. Dont worry about explaining yourself. The truth will come out in the end.
Just stay strong and know that this was LONG OVERDUE. And also that you are NOT ending your Marriage you are CHALLENGING your H to DO what he vowed to do in the first place. To RESPECT, CHERISH, LOVE, etc. You are giving him a CHOICE to "MAN UP". If he doesnt, then like you would a child, reply "Im sorry for you. You made a bad choice... Now it's time to take responsibility for those actions.
To be honest I am more worried about your H realizing your true intent and to start playing Mr. Nice/Reformed guy that will give him another chance. You are too vulernable for this right now. The best thing you can do is set BOUNDARIES for yourself. Tell yourself that you will do nothing for at least 6 mons or so with H. Dont let him CONTROL or MANIPULATE you.
Remember YOU are the ONLY person that YOU need to JUSTIFY this too. Dont feel you need to explain anything to anyone especially H. Just reply like you did "I just NEED space and time. Hopefully YOU will CHOOSE to RESPECT that."
Just looking for an update. Let us know that things are going well, SB.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Things have gone exceedingly smooth the last few days. H has bent over backwards to be helpful and really nice while I was moving this weekend. For example, last night he came over to set up the router for my computer, he picked up a couple of items for my kitchen while he was shopping for himself, and there have been no disagreements over splitting up the joint property. It's a little weird. My mom warned me to be on guard for a backlash or sudden change of attitude by H, and I'm keeping that in mind. I still have some clothes and some other stuff at the house, and I'm making a trip once or twice a day until I get it all.
S19 is handling this much better than D17. He's rolling right along with things, but she's upset and confused. She sees me buying some new stuff and she thinks that it means its permanent. We told her we haven't made any final decisions reagrding a D, but she's not sure if she believes us. She also sees us being nice to each other and that confuses her. "You don't look like any divorcing couple I know. They are either screaming at each other or not speaking." Well, again, we're not divorcing at the moment- just giving each other some space.
Tonight H and I are going to the show with the tickets that I got him for his b-day since we're doing OK together for now. It's probably our last outing as a couple for a while.
A couple of my sister in laws from H's family also called, which really helped me a lot. I'm not being deserted by his family, they support both of us, and they love me.
Thank you to everybody for your well-wishes, thoughts and prayers this weekend. It was draining, physically and emotionally, and I hope you know how much I appreciated your support and love you all.
Things have gone exceedingly smooth the last few days. H has bent over backwards to be helpful and really nice while I was moving this weekend. For example, last night he came over to set up the router for my computer, he picked up a couple of items for my kitchen while he was shopping for himself, and there have been no disagreements over splitting up the joint property. It's a little weird. My mom warned me to be on guard for a backlash or sudden change of attitude by H, and I'm keeping that in mind. I still have some clothes and some other stuff at the house, and I'm making a trip once or twice a day until I get it all.
I agree with your mom; he may be trying to keep up appearances around everyone else, or lull you into thinking that he's changing. No one turns around that fast.
Originally Posted By: SpyBunny
Thank you to everybody for your well-wishes, thoughts and prayers this weekend. It was draining, physically and emotionally, and I hope you know how much I appreciated your support and love you all.
Just keep checking in. Glad to see your update.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
So good to read such a positive update from you, Bunny! I thought about you all weekend. Nice to hear you are getting support from your H's family!
Good luck with your D17...I was that age when my parents divorced (NOT saying that's where you're headed) and it was quite a shock at the time--they never fought (that we could hear anyway) either. I just came home from school and my mom was home from work (it was a holiday) and she told me he'd moved out. Done. Looking back on it, it was inevitable and a good thing in the long run. But girls, at that age particularly, LOVE drama and all that, but I know you can handle it!
It could actually be that he is appreciating the reduction in stress. OK, it's true. I'm a glass half-full guy.
You can try to explain things to your D17, but I think I agree with cbih, she is probably feeding on the drama! She expects that couples that separate to fight all the time. It's not always that way, but in her mind, it should be. So she is confused. Keep showing her a strong Bunny, and she'll be ok!
