You are right SG. That is exactly how I need to look at it. I almost sent this email to W. I am trying to debate whether or not to. It would probably do nothing other than make my W defensive and create tension between us. I truly am in a no win situation with that blasted MIL involved and my W's own decisions on top of it.
"I will let you take the kids tonight for your mom to make her night and Christmas better. I will postphone getting together with my friend.
I really shouldn't with as consistantly evil as your mom is towards me. To continue to exclude me from any and all events that involve my own kids, for everyone else to sit away from me with my kids because they are to gutless to stand up to her and say what is wrong is wrong when the kids are involved especially if it is for the kids.
But I am not heartless and evil like she is. So I will let her have something that would make her happy again at my own expense because even with as much as she has done to me and continues to do to me, I can't be the same way towards her.
I sincerely hope she enjoys her evening with the girls and the family."
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I will do what is right SG and not send the email. I just got flustered. I will put the MIL out of my mind. Thanks.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
"To continue to exclude me from any and all events that involve my own kids, for everyone else to sit away from me with my kids because they are to gutless to stand up to her and say what is wrong is wrong when the kids are involved especially if it is for the kids."
You're going to have to get over this. Having events alone without the other spouse there is what separated/divorced people do. Deal with it. What's going to happen when she gets a BF and starts taking trips together with him and your kids? Are you going to be upset because you were excluded?
It is what it is right now. Live as if she wasn't coming back already. detach.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I know Stuck. It doesn't mean I don't get frusturated when this stuff happens though. But yes, part of detaching would mean that it doesn't bother me anymore. I guess when it involves my kids, that is harder to deal with. When it is just the adults, it far less bothers me.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I told W go ahead and take the girls and make it a special evening for MIL. I said I will just get them on Thursday night so they can all keep their plans and not have to rearrange anything.
W sounded shocked and said "Thank you. I really appreciate that".
I said not a problem and I hope it helps her mom feel better about the holidays.
I think I stunned my W. Although I am not sure why she would be stunned. I always willingly move aside and work to make her mom feel comfortable or happy or whatever the situation may be. But it is good that she at least appreciates it and notices.
Kevin
Last edited by K4D; 12/01/0909:30 PM.
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
When are you guys getting together again uo there in Dallas? I live in Tulsa, about a 4 hour drive. I'd like to meet some of the people I've been reading so much about.
Why do I have a heart to try and make such an evil MIL have a better night when she does everything in her power to make sure I am excluded from anything and everything.
Because it's the Christian thing to do?
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
Why do I have a heart to try and make such an evil MIL have a better night when she does everything in her power to make sure I am excluded from anything and everything.
Because it's the Christian thing to do?
Exactly! There are always people in our lives that we don't like or don't get along with. The best thing you can do is be super nice and friendly. Then what could she possibly say then? I had a former SIL that was not nice to anyone. She was a miserable person. She would flat out ignore me. I finally started making conversation with her. Asking her how she was, showing interest in her life. Always with a big smile. At first she barely spoke, but then she looked stupid being that way. Guess what? Its hard to be continuously rude to someone when they are being nice to you. Your MIL won't have a thing to say when you are over the top friendly and accomodating. Tell your wife it sounds like a great idea and you hope they all have a fun time.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
