Tired of the game

[kat727]

You are going to be fine. Michelle is right, it is so much easier going through this stuff with people that know what you are going through. Hope you had a lovely weekend.

kat

[AliSuddenly]

Hey Julia, of course it sucks. I bet he isnt thrilled either and he knows that this is his doing! It is sad.

Wont it be wonderful when you get to that day that none of this matters anymore? Not as much as now anyway. Shame we cant hit the fast-forward button hey!
Hugs Al xxx

[dolphin_05]

(((((Julia))))) at this difficult time

Cas

[JCJ]

Thanks guys. He should receive the forms next week. They will be harsh for him; I'm citing his adultery and requesting that he pay all costs.

Yesterday I sent him the form for him to relinquish my pension bond and for him to take his name off our bank account (remember back from months ago??). I put in a present that I had bought him ages ago for his birthday but never got a chance to give him which has been kicking around for ages. It had a note basically saying 'you might as well have this as I won't be seeing you anymore', in not so many words, and asked him to do the bank stuff so I could make a fresh start. The present was a moving model of a drummer that you make up as he is a drummer and he loves those kits. I thought it might inspire him to sign away my bond as he could fight it and say no, even though I am the one that has paid into it and it is my pension.

I got an email from him tonight saying this

Hello. Came home today to find your parcel outside the door which was a really nice surprise. Thank you very much! I will make a start on it when I have a free moment! At the moment I'm totally swamped at work. Last weekend I was in both days for (goes into what he has been doing at work) However all this does mean I will be at work for 19 days without a break by next weekend so I am looking forward to some time off.


It would be really good to meet up, I want to hear all about what's happening at work. However I have more driving to do next week (responding to real calls!) so I know next week is out. Perhaps the week after? I won't cancel on you, I promise.


I will get that (bond) thing done tomorrow. Hope you're okay.
H.

See, this is nice and it throws me. I have been doing so well lately. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, although I am not in a spin and am calm, ugh! I am not DBing anymore and even if he expressed a wish to come back now (which I think we can all say is less than unlikely) I don't want him back. I am sad about the fact I will be divorced but that is as far as it goes. So what would be the point of seeing him? But still somehow I am torn.

Edit - just as an aside, at work for 19 days without a break?! I am glad that I am not married to that. I believe i would probably be in the same position I am now, a work widow, but with less opportunities to carry on with my life!

[Wholeagain]

Hi Julia,

I am new to posting here, but I was following your sitch.
((Hugs to you!))

This is true, they don't want you until they know they can't have you. The moment you really move on, they turn to be nice to you.

Why don't you tell him you are going out/ having a date/ couples activity planned on the date he's suggesting?

Take your assistant out on that day. You could take him to a concert or something and have fun!

And just leave it at that in your e-mail. Don't suggest any other time.

It is all about you now!

[MichelleLT]

Heh. Well, they are his choices.

At least he is being cooperative. Keep doing whatever it takes to keep him cooperative lol. At least til everything is split up. Or you'll be like me, trying to get forms and crap done and never getting a response.

[JCJ]

Well, I have thought about it and I have decided that I will be ignoring the email. It is still too wishy washy. If he *really* wants to see me he will pursue me, if he doesn't then fine. After all he used to ignore me all the time! This was a really hard decision for me to make and a huge and scary 180! I was doing so well and this reminded me of feelings that I no longer want to feel. So I am thinking with my head, not my heart.

He should be receiving the papers this week.

(((Michelle))) apart from the divorce those are the last bits. If he doesn't do it I will get my solicitor to write to him. I have tried the nice way. Hopefully he will have though.

(((Wholeagain))) Welcome, thank you for posting to me and for the hugs! I needed that reminder that it is all about me now. I'm so unused to thinking that way, it is taking some training! :-)

Life is good at the moment; I have learnt a few lessons of late that have really made me stronger and clearer about what I am looking for in relationships, setting expectations for myself and not settling for anything less than the best. Also, I have started a new fitness regime with my sister. We are now exercising before work 3 times a week which has the extra bonuses of getting rid of some of the morning depression I was feeling and also getting me to work on time as well as the fitness stuff. As my sister is doing it with me it means I have to go or face her wrath

I hope I have made the right decision. I think that I have for me, although it was so unbelievably tempting to meet. I just could no longer carry on as I was doing.

[Kalni]

Protecting your self from other people's selfishness can not be a wrong decision/choice. Seeing things for what they are the same. Expecting to be loved and treasured is your right.
You'll be fine J.
K

Good job on the email.

[MichelleLT]

180s are good. I like turning the tables on him.

The fitness is great!

And you sound good. We all have the bumps in the road. D is a roller coaster for sure.

Hang in there.

[JCJ]

(((Kalni, Michelle))) thank you

Expecting to be loved and treasured is your right.

My self-esteem took such a knock that I lost sight of this. I'm learning some valuable lessons, albeit the hard way.