First Piecing Thread

[Thinker]

Thanks for your posts on my thread recently. They have inspired me to re-dedicate myself to the effort.

[Hope4us]

No problem Thinker.

I was by no means a poster child for doing things correctly, but I have learned a ton in the over 2 years I've been dealing with this mess and while I'd love to be on here and help with what I've learned more often, someone's got to pay the bills!

Keep your chin up. It can be turned around.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Hope,

Put yourself in her shoes. She likely found it difficult to believe you would take her back, or not be judgemental of her, or forgive her...so many different fears for her to overcome.

I also had a similar conversation with my wife about her saying "I love you," first. In fact almost word for word on both sides. Stick with it and remind her occasionally when sshe falls back into old patterns, just as she should remind you when you fall back onto old patterns as well. : )

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Stick with it and remind her occasionally when sshe falls back into old patterns, just as she should remind you when you fall back onto old patterns as well. : )

this is SO true!!! At least in my sitch.

Thanks, Three Beans!

Puppy

[Hope4us]

Stick with it and remind her occasionally when sshe falls back into old patterns, just as she should remind you when you fall back onto old patterns as well. : )

this is SO true!!! At least in my sitch.

Thanks, Three Beans!

Puppy

Me too Jack. It's funny, you spend so long trying to get your spouse to wake up, work hard on changes to make you a better person, that when you do reconcile it's easy to forget what got you there.

W has started slipping back into old ways a few times and where in the past I'd just let it anger me and not say anything, now I'm being more vocal and expressing my wants and needs and she responds. Same with her when it comes to me.

We've both made a commitment to each other that we WILL work through things because we don't want to screw it up again, but sometimes there needs to be a little reminder.

[Hope4us]

Hope,

Put yourself in her shoes. She likely found it difficult to believe you would take her back, or not be judgemental of her, or forgive her...so many different fears for her to overcome.

I also had a similar conversation with my wife about her saying "I love you," first. In fact almost word for word on both sides. Stick with it and remind her occasionally when sshe falls back into old patterns, just as she should remind you when you fall back onto old patterns as well. : )

I appreciate this Jack. And you're absolutely correct. The part I find myself struggling with is when she starts to slip some, my mind automatically begins to think there's something going on.

I need to keep reminding myself that she has a lot of chit to deal with, and when there's something that comes out, like the Tiger Woods thing, it really sets her back. I KNOW it's tough on her because now that she's seeing clearly, something like that brings on this whole new set of guilt that she has to deal with. I wish I could get her to let go of the guilt, but that's something she has to get through on her own with me just being there to support her if she wants to talk about it.

[Hope4us]

Had a great weekend. My Christmas Party Friday night, W's on Saturday. Her's was at a hotel and her work got it set up so we got a room pretty cheap, so we made a night of it.

W looked absolutely stunning in her dress. And I told her so. Many times. And what she was wearing under it wasn't too awful bad either. Did throw me a bit because she broke this little number out, tags still in place and the first thing that goes through my mind is, did she buy this for OM and just never got a chance to wear it for him?

But I didn't let it affect me. She wore it for ME. And it was hot, damn hot. Had a great night, dancing, talking with coworkers, sneaking away to catch score updates on the Texas/Neb game (yes W was interested too! Man I love her!). And when we finally went back to our room.....WOW.

Went Christmas shopping Sunday afternoon/evening. Had a great time. Got the boys pretty much done. Caught W looking at some gloves at one store and put that in the memory banks. Need to get out without her some time and pick them up for Christmas.

Of course, there's always something that crops up and throws a wrench into things. Sunday night I caught S17 smoking. Now W and I aren't the pillars of lead by example. W smokes and I chew. So I'm talking to S17 about it and told him I'd quit if he quit. So we're going to. I asked him if he'd been smoking since the troubles a couple years ago when I caught him then and he said "yes".

So I go downstairs and am talking to W about it and she asks me if S17 said why he was smoking and I told her he started a couple years ago because it helped calm him down and W just looked at me with her bottom lip quivering and put her head down. So I guess there's some more guilt I'll have to deal with, but it's all good.

Talk to ya all later.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Lucky ba$tard.

Puppy

[dday101798]

Lucky ba$tard.

Puppy

Times two.

Stinks that your S17 has himself in that position because of everything. But, great parenting in offering to work with him to quit. (golf clap).

[Hope4us]

Thanks guys. S17 and I are 4 days into our challenge and I'm doing better than he is. He hasn't fallen off the wagon, but he's been quite the bi*ch the last couple days which I'm sure is because of him quitting.

Me on the other hand, same as the other times I've quit. Isn't bothering me in the least. Don't get me wrong. I miss it. I'll absent mindedly grab a bottle when I'm done eating as that "after dinner mint" was good, but besides that, not really any problems.

Had a problem with our furnace yesterday and when the furnace dude came over we went down stairs and I saw W's old cell phone laying on the desk. I opened it up and deleted the pictures she had on there from OM days. I also looked at her TM's and there were only a few she left on there, one from EGF. Want to talk about how F'd up a place she was (not sure if I mean W or EGF)? The TM said (to wife), "I look forward to seeing the beautiful plant you become once the weed is pulled".

Doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure out I'm the weed. This TM was a month after I exposed her A to the kids. With EGF saying stuff like that to W, is it any wonder it took her so long to wake up? Wonder what she'd say now if she looked at it?

Don't worry, I'm not going to say anything or show her, but it's a good thing that EGF is pretty much done with the company and there won't be that wonderful influence in W's life.

And it's amazing where we are right now. I've been sick since Tuesday evening. Some asthmatic bronchitis thing. By Wed morning, couldn't really breathe too well. Got a Dr appointment for Wed afternoon. W called home from work and asked how I was doing and when I told her she said "I'm coming home and taking you to the Dr". Dr almost admitted me to the Hospital, but after two breathing treatments, a steroid shot, a steroid prescription, an antibiotic prescription and an emergency inhaler, ole H4U is finally breathing somewhat normal.

You have no idea how this made me feel. She has NEVER said or done anything like that for me before. NEVER. I've had this asthmatic bronchitis one time before and I drove myself to the Dr's office and then to the pharmacy and then home, the whole time feeling like I was going to pass out. And W came home from work and looked at me and said "you ok"? And that was it.

Fast forward to this time, she tells me she's taking me to the DR. Offers to get the prescription filled, has been a doting wife these past 3 days. And damn, it feels good.

We're going to try to get some shopping done today. Not sure how much I'll be able to do as I get really tired after just a little physical exertion.

I went into work yesterday for a couple hours as I had a couple things I HAD to get done and while I was there, one of the guys who works for me and knows the story asked me if I thought it was worth it, going through what we had to get to where we are and I told him that I'm not glad we went through it, but at the same time, when I look back over that last 6-8 years, I can see how we'd drifted apart, got so involved in being parents, working, etc that we lost sight of each other. And I can see that it seems like maybe W was looking for something long before we moved over here and when the POS made his move, it was all over. And if this had to happen for us to wake up, I'll deal with it. Cause now it seems like W has truly figured out where she wants to be, and that's with me/us.

And I've learned to not take W for granted, that the things we say and do, DO MATTER. And I've learned patience I never would have believed I had in me. And I've learned I can love someone that isn't behaving very lovable and forgive them and accept their flaws as a part of them to love.

It's funny, we were watching t.v. last night and the Tiger Woods story came on again. The network threw out a teaser and then went to commercial and W asked me what I thought. I told her Tiger should come out, admit everything, not play golf for as long as his W wants him to not play and throw himself at her feet asking her what she needs from him to heal. I know. I don't think she was expecting quite that response, but when I was done W quietly said "I agree".

Yes, we've come a long way. The last two years have sucked big time, but where we are now, getting better and better every day, I think I'm ok with the path we took to get here.