Now more than ever!

[Greek]

I guess I did not attach specific consequences to them.

Then they have not bite and really will not matter to her. You tell your teenager that if he busts curfew again, you will not like it and be very disappointed, but attach no consequences. Any bets that that kid'll bust curfew again? Money. And not by a few minutes, either.

I simply stated that he should not come to our house when I am not home. (On the day he was there there were other people present.) She agreed. I left it at that. She has said in counseling that she does not have those kinds of feelings about the OM, but she is also very confused. It could re-emerge.

I feel the lines that I draw in this arena come from strength and confidence. I am not accepting this behavior, I am basically saying to her that you are going to do what you are going to do and I am going to handle it.

Well you're right about one thing - she is going to do what she is going to do and you cannot control this. But saying she can do what she wants and you're just going to handle it sounds a bit like "Take me on this crazy a$$ ride - I'll just strap in tight and hope for the best." Too passive. Handling it ought to mean telling her what you stand for.

If I am confrontational about it, then, I fall into the trap of being jealous and blowing it out of proportion. Taking the high road is much more honorable than pursuing a married woman.

It is NOT confrontational to tell your wife that you will not share her affection and attention with another man. That is a boundary that a man should declare within his marriage. Anything short of that translates into weakness and possibly apathy - the opposites of strength and honor.

She will recognize this or she will not. I have said my peace on the issue to her and in counseling. It is up to her make a choice.

Maybe she will notice it, but Mr. Wonderful, I just doubt it. She's noticing someone else right now - and he gets her, he is a good listener, he has not history with her so it's all new, he validates everything she says, he is a soul mate. You are the guy keeping her from all of this bliss just like you have for years. That's her reality. Why would she notice, with all of that other stuff tickling her ears? You can wait it out if you want - b/c I've almost never seen these affairs play out into a real life relationship - or you can bust it now and start working on your M.

So are you sure there is an A? And if so, is the OM married?

Female perspective ~
Greek