Haven't posted in quite a while, so just a journal entry.
Wife selected and signed a lease for an apartment. The initial month will involve her spending her time there with me swapping out with her a few days to let her spend time with the kids. She doesn't know how long she will need, but I only agreed to the arrangement for a month. After that, we'll have to negotiate.
She swears that all contact with OM will cease during this time, as it is for her to figure out what she wants out of life. She sounds sincere about it, and I'm going to trust her, but with caution. Any sign of violation of this and I'll stop cooperating with the arrangement. She'll have to come home to see the kids if she wants.
One snag is that the OM is slated to be in a Christmas event at the church, as is my wife. I told her that pretty much shoots down the process for the month. She seems to feel she can ignore him for the short time involved. I told her I think her family is more important than the Christmas program, and that she should ask her pastor to see what he thinks about it. We'll see what happens there.
Separation will suck, but it seems to be locked in her mind as the ONLY way she can figure things out. I'm fine with being apart from her; I think it will be easy once she's gone, but the logistics will be a pain.
She knows she is messed up and confused inside. And deep down, I don't believe she will have it in her to destroy our family. She is very enthusiastic about her new found Christian faith, which is a big plus in my mind. The more she learns about it, the more she will realize that there is no choice other than to repair our marriage if she wants to follow God's word.
Me, I'd rather not go through all of this, but it has strengthened my relationship with God. And I truly believe I will be a better man on the other side of this, whichever way it goes. I will go to my grave knowing what I am doing is right. And in that, I draw much strength and comfort.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
Just a little snapshot for you. My W prior to discovery was about to go on a 2 week "business trip" with OM (when I was already deeply suspicious). I drew the line that I was not happy about it but could not control what she was doing and could not prove she was lying. She then threw a fit and offered not to go since "if we get D, you'll use this against me. I would rather not go and leave with my head high when we D". Oh, and that she was going on a LONG trip by herself "to find herself" anyway.
Yeah right. She probably even believed that herself, but let's get real here. If you are going to monitor your W, it's best to be prepared for the worst.
Me 42 W 39 Married: 11 Jan 1998, T: Since 1992 First Bomb: Sep 2007 Confirmed A/OM: 4 Nov 2007 Kids: D10, S5 Reconciled and together again after (alot of) time and heartbreak. 3rd kid, S, born 2 Jan 2010.
She knows she is messed up and confused inside. And deep down, I don't believe she will have it in her to destroy our family. She is very enthusiastic about her new found Christian faith, which is a big plus in my mind. The more she learns about it, the more she will realize that there is no choice other than to repair our marriage if she wants to follow God's word.
Um, this IS the same woman that said just 19 days ago that she believed that God was telling her to be with the OM, yes?
She knows she is messed up and confused inside. And deep down, I don't believe she will have it in her to destroy our family. She is very enthusiastic about her new found Christian faith, which is a big plus in my mind. The more she learns about it, the more she will realize that there is no choice other than to repair our marriage if she wants to follow God's word.
The renewed interest in her faith is your best bet. My "trial" separation so she can figure things out was a smokescreen. It was just a way to convince me to move out. My W is avoiding church like the plague. I'm guessing it's because she'll get a dose of preaching about the bible and it's belief in M.
Good luck.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
Just a little snapshot for you. My W prior to discovery was about to go on a 2 week "business trip" with OM (when I was already deeply suspicious). I drew the line that I was not happy about it but could not control what she was doing and could not prove she was lying. She then threw a fit and offered not to go since "if we get D, you'll use this against me. I would rather not go and leave with my head high when we D". Oh, and that she was going on a LONG trip by herself "to find herself" anyway.
Yeah right. She probably even believed that herself, but let's get real here. If you are going to monitor your W, it's best to be prepared for the worst.
Thanks Deep. My W has wanted to move out at least temporarily "to figure out what I want, to have a chance to 'miss you'", ever since bomb day. I'm at the point where I'm prepared to face the end of our marriage. I'd be surprised if it comes to that, but I realize it is a real possibility. So whatever happens with this, happens.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
Just a little snapshot for you. My W prior to discovery was about to go on a 2 week "business trip" with OM (when I was already deeply suspicious). I drew the line that I was not happy about it but could not control what she was doing and could not prove she was lying. She then threw a fit and offered not to go since "if we get D, you'll use this against me. I would rather not go and leave with my head high when we D". Oh, and that she was going on a LONG trip by herself "to find herself" anyway.
Yeah right. She probably even believed that herself, but let's get real here. If you are going to monitor your W, it's best to be prepared for the worst.
Thanks Deep. My W has wanted to move out at least temporarily "to figure out what I want, to have a chance to 'miss you'", ever since bomb day. I'm at the point where I'm prepared to face the end of our marriage. I'd be surprised if it comes to that, but I realize it is a real possibility. So whatever happens with this, happens.
It's one thing to be prepared to face the end. It's another thing to be totally passive about it ("whatever happens with this, happens").
Google and read about The Stockdale Paradox. THAT is how you combine the two outlooks!
The renewed interest in her faith is your best bet. My "trial" separation so she can figure things out was a smokescreen. It was just a way to convince me to move out. My W is avoiding church like the plague. I'm guessing it's because she'll get a dose of preaching about the bible and it's belief in M.
Good luck.
Thanks ClingingToHope. I know my wife feels guilt when she reads the Christian message, but she's so new to it she feels confusion as well. Often tries to say "God loves us no matter what and forgives us", which I think is her mind saying its OK to have an affair/divorce if it is "what is right for me". I try to tell her God loves her no matter what, but you need to stop the sin before you get forgiveness...
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
"deep down, I don't believe she will have it in her to destroy our family";
etc.
I think you're being blindly naive, Pigskin.
Puppy
You may be right Puppy. But at this point I've pretty much tried everything. I don't really trust her. I just don't care what she does anymore. I've got me, my kids, and my faith. Right now, that's really all I need.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
