The night before Thanksgiving I had to pick up the kids from my W. My oldest daughter was clinging to my W and sobbing. My W tried to console her, to no avail, she just didn't want to leave her mommy. Eventually my W gave up and just put her in the car crying, and went into her house. Seeing my daughter so sad started to make me angry, and watching my W walk away from her pushed me over the edge. I got out of the car and knocked on the door. When my W came to the door I said "I remember a time when if one of our kids were crying, we would do anything to make it stop." She immediately got defensive and said "Don't you lay that guilt trip on me! If you're angry, just say so." I said "I am angry." She said "What do you want me to do? This is normal." I just looked at her with a blank face and didn't say anything. She said again "What do you want me to do?" and again I said nothing. I eventually said "See you tomorrow" and I walked away. I know I probably screwed up showing her that much emotion, but I'm human. The strange thing is, I later heard from my MIL that my W talked to her about it right after, and my MIL said my W told her she said to me "I'm never coming back to you, so you better get used to seeing that." She never said that to me. Is she delusional now? She's just making stuff up. When I told my MIL she didn't say that to me, my MIL shook her head and said "You should ask her if she's having a nervous breakdown."
The next day was Thanksgiving. The kids and I spent a lazy morning eating, playing, and watching the parade. I did talk to my W on the phone, I was friendly, I said I wasn't angry and I wanted us to have a good Thanksgiving. She was very friendly as well, and asked my opinion about a new computer she was thinking of getting. We got ready to go to my MIL's house. I had bought some new clothes, and I made sure I was looking my absolute best. From the marathon training, I'm in very good shape. I packed fun things for us to do during the day, which is big 180 for me, as I never would have done that in the past.
The day at my MIL's house was relaxing and mellow. My W arrived and was acting kind of b*tchy at first. She brought our (now her) little dog, who I was happy to see. I told her it was a nice surprise for me to see the dog and she snapped back "She wouldn't be here if mom didn't ask me to bring her." I didn't let her foul mood phase me at all. I offered her champagne, which she declined at first, then accepted a short while later. I am good at getting her in a better mood, and this day was no exception. Soon she was chatting and friendly. We played games with the kids and generally had a nice day. At one point she asked me "So H, are there any movies you want to see?" Now, I don't know if this is some bait to get me to ask her out, but I didn't bite. I rattled off a couple that sound good to me, and I asked her what she thought looked good. She told me, and then I let it drop.
I started wrestling with the kids and had my W laughing out loud as I let them beat me. I took the kids outside to play for a while before dinner. I didn't ask my W if she wanted to join us, and she showed no interest. She just sat there on the sofa looking annoyed. What is her problem? Why do I even want this woman?
We had a nice meal, my W complimented me on the dish I made, and I teased her and said her pie was merely "edible". My son said "This is the best day ever!" which made me kind of sad. The kids love it so much when we're all together.
We hung out for a while longer after dinner and my W eventually said she had to go. She was taking the kids to her brother's place for the long weekend and she needed to get everything packed. She said goodbye to the kids, I was sitting on the floor, and as she walked by me she put her hand on my shoulder and said "Happy Thanksgiving H." I said "You too W."
So Thanksgiving went ok I guess, but the big news is what I did this morning. I sent my W the following e-mail:
W-
I've decided to exit this limbo. Life is too short to waste on this nonsense. Your behavior over the past year and a half has been incredibly disrespectful to me and our marriage. I gave you an opportunity to save our marriage and family, and your response was nowhere near what I needed to hear. I've decided I'm done and moving on. I consider our marriage to be over, and I want to finalize the legal side of things so I can fully move on. I know you said you didn't want to meet until January, but I'm not willing to wait that long. Please contact the mediator and set up an appointment or let me know what time works for you and I'll set it up. Next Wednesday afternoon works for me. I have some questions for the mediator I want to ask with both of us present. Like I said, I'll find the money to pay for it and you can pay me back for your half next year.
H
It got an immediate response. She tried to call three times in five minutes. I answered none of them, but on the third she left a searing voice message. She said something like:
If you want to know why I'm divorcing you, just look at your behavior over the past few weeks. I've been open and flexible, helping with the kids, and this is what you pull?! What has got up your as* that you needed to send that message?! I'm not going to the mediator. The only way you'll get me there is if you pay! I'm not paying for half!"
She also replied to my e-mail saying that she is going to attend our daughter's parent teacher conference alone, and that if I go, she'll leave.
I have to admit, I'm a combination of thrilled and anxious right now. You folks said I'd get a reaction. Wow! What's weird is that my only behavior over the past few weeks is that I've been distant, and not even totally so. I've been friendly, and chatted with her, and discussed the kids as needed. We had a nice Thanksgiving, and I brought the kids to her Mom's like she wanted. What the hell is she referring to about my behavior over the past few weeks?
What's truly funny is what she said about not going to mediation unless I paid. I said the exact same thing to her six months ago. I like how she threw out the "I'm divorcing you" comment, trying to get the power back, then refusing to go to mediation so we can get it done!
I can't believe I'm actually smiling as I type this. The question is, what now?
