Still in the tunnel with hubby

[kjensen]

Hi D,
I realize that. I'm thinking permanently in that I think(but of course, am not positively sure) that will be my last straw. Not that I would push for a divorce, but I really wouldn't work on the relationship with H anymore. I also think that if H left again for him it would be permanent. He hates being in limbo which is where he's been most of this year.

I told H awhile ago that if we divorce that I don't think I'd want any contact with him. I knew Id have to have some with the girls, but in my heart he would be dead to me. I was sharing that with him as a way of explaining the depth of my hurt that I'd already felt being separated and asked for a divorce and how I think I would want to cope with that kind of pain again. Any reminders of him hurt too much in that situation.

I have great respect for those who've had spouses come and go time and again. I just don't think I could cope well with that. Of course, one never knows til presented with the situation( I didn't think I could overcome infidelity but I did).

Just confused about H right now. He says nice things to me once in awhile and acts normal somewhat but no physical contact or even hand holding. No "Goodnight"..just rolls over and goes to sleep. Just don't get it and that stress is making me think the worst.

We have marriage counseling this Friday and I'm wondering if he's going to drop a bomb on me in therapy.

His next therapy session is 12/31...