Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[SoldierDad]

What does it mean when WAS goes silent after DBng? After this mornings exchange, she has gone silent. I thought the pattern was for them to initiate kindness, and to try to get control again. Well, it has only been a couple hours, but I really thought she would be doing more to raise a stink about the account and my responses. She might have finally contacted her attorney, and he has told her to shut up. I dunno, I just kinda feel out of sorts and out of control again.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

You've obsessing, SD. A span of a few hours means NOTHING, either way.

Your wife will be ALL OVER THE MAP in the days and weeks to come. Try not to read into it every single time she does something.

Puppy

[SoldierDad]

Puppy, thanks for the swift kick, sometimes an old Soldier needs it!! I am going to try to start to worry just about me, and hopefully my R & R with my boys. The rest, well, when the rest happens, there it will be...

[Coach]

Manage your energy. Know when not to engage. When in doubt do nothing. Take care of yourself - physically, mentally , emotionally and spiritually.

[SoldierDad]

Coach, any advice as far as if/when I should contact W about where my truck will be, etc? If so, how do I approach that without coming across as weak, or needy, or desperate. Also, I have this feeling of dread over me right now, not depression, but just absolute dread. Is it the unknown? Is it the reality that my W is D me? Is it because I can't accept her decision? Is it because I don't want this? I just have so many things running through my head tonight...Maybe I should just go to sleep.

[Coach]

Coach, any advice as far as if/when I should contact W about where my truck will be, etc? If so, how do I approach that without coming across as weak, or needy, or desperate.

You let her know what the plan will be. "I have decided_________________.

How can she really hurt you?
-divorce
-take a hammer to your bike
-park your truck at the airport and it get's towed
-threaten you

None of these things are permanent and they are all in your favor if she wants to divorce you.

Go sleep, the sun will come back up tommorow.

[SoldierDad]

Ok, I woke up with a new e-mail message - simply states: going to grocery store tonight, but you will see that when I use my debit card. Obviously, during the day, she found out everything she "thought" was true-wasn't. Any thoughts/advice on what I need to do now? I am concerned that she is going to try to become friendly, and bring me back in, and I will rush into that. Well, maybe I am getting ahead of myself, she has made NO attempt at being nice, or trying to draw me back to her. Maybe it is wishful thinking, I dunno. I have so many things spinning through my mind. I'm sure she is telling my boys what a horrible person/father I am, cutting off the money etc. I think they are old enough to read between the lines though.

[Coach]

That doesn't warrant a response. You respond you lose, don't take the bait.

No, you won't rush back into a R with her. Unless you stop coming here.

Stop mind-reading --
[quote]Obviously, during the day, she found out everything she "thought" was true-wasn't. /quote]
[quote]I'm sure she is telling my boys /quote]

You don't know what she is doing or saying - wasted energy.

What are you going to do with your kids when you get home?

[bluerain]

Soldierdad, if she starts being nice and sweet, DONT fall for it! If she wants to come back, the two of you are going to need some major work on your marriage before it will be safe.

You seem to know that you are in danger of rushing into her if she tries to be nice, so be careful not to.

Keep up with the boundaries, keep your boys taken care of, and keep doing what works, and keep yourself from mindreading.

[SoldierDad]

See, THIS is why I must keep coming here. Coach, I guess I am in some sort of a "fog" now too, because I know the things you are telling me, I know what to do in most of these situations, but I just can't see it, until I get the swift kick in the 'nads. I have lots of plans for my boys-bowling,movies, road trip to Grandmas, Christmas, tubing in the snow, Tram ride, arcade, many more. Think the hard part is just finally letting go of her, and NOT wonderin/caring where she is/who she is with/and where they are. Detach.