New to this Community seeking advice

[Ready2Change]

Last year, my W had Christmas with the boys. The boys live with my W, in her parents' home. This year, she emailed me that my dates to be with the boys would be 27 dec-2 jan. She said that's "as good as it gets". I replied that it was OK, no worries.

You now have an agreement in place. I feel this is a great opportunity for you to learn from and change your behavior in the future.

Here is my mantra:

What is best for my kids is best for me. I feel it is important for my children to have equal and frequent contact with both parents.

It sounds like your W is very controlling. My X is also very controlling, so I found it very important to "stand up to her" and not let her control me any more.

I thought a lot about this lately, and was about to send her an email or ask her to give me a good reason why I can't have the boys for Christmas THIS year, since she had them last year when we were separated for 6 months already.

Right now it sounds like there is an imbalance in parenting responsibility.

Is it a valid question to ask my W? Since I already told her the dates she gave me were OK, do I still need to make an issue about being with the boys for Christmas, if so, how should I present it to her?

It is important to state what you you want, give her choices and what the consequences to her are if she picks the wrong one. Have you read the boundaries thread?

IE: W, I feel it is important that the kids see both of us on Xmas. Since we are separated, I would like either Xmas Eve or Xmas day. Which day would you prefer?

If she does not pick one of the two choices you offered, you will have to set a boundary.

This is an action YOU can take. It may be filing for legal separation (or D) so that you have written agreements in place. Wait for her response, but do not reply immediately, come back here for input.