Detachment

[avermont]

This is a great post, 25. I will book mark it and refer to it often.

But the question I am still struggling with, is as I was "withholding" and "distant" during the R, my 180's might be different. I did MAYBE 2 days of cry, talk, ask for a chance...then I buttoned my lip, instituted quiet "check-ins", asked him to move out. He saw me sobbing my head off on the floor once.

My DB coach Laurie suggested I do "90" rather than 180. I am GAL'ing all over the place and I am afraid it is MORE OF THE SAME. We each GAL'ed during our R (and GAL'ed together)

So if I am out and about; not reaching out to him in a gentle, not-clingy way; how is this different than our 23 year R when he pursued me and I pulled away?

What is the right balance for a LBS who was the "colder" one, when the WAH has found a lover who presumably--holds nothing back! Love and sex and reassurance all the time...

As he is out of the house, I don't have place for AOS or even trying a different Love Language...I'm just going out with friends; crying at home; trying to detach; therapy...

This is 4 months since the bomb and the move out--nothing changes, nothing moves, we have no contact.

So how do things shift? how do the gentle slow changes begin to happen?