... Something you said awhile back struck a chord with me because my H does the same thing.
Originally Posted By: givingitmyall
It still strikes me as odd how happy, nice and gracious my W can be around me while, at the same time, want me out of her life. I mean, I understand the whole compartmentalizing thing, but I just don't know how you pull that off.
It puzzles me no end!....and for what it's worth, Jody the DB coach seemed rather confused by this too. H and I have been friendly and caring for each other for the past 9 months, since the ice began melting between us, but H still insisted on instructing his attorney to enter our final D judgment last week. He did this 2 days after he voluntarily spent 3 hours at the house troubleshooting an unlit security light over my patio doors. He continues to dumbfound me.
...
Thanks for the post GoodAttitudeGirl and GIMA,
I have the same recurring confusion - you are definitely not alone in this. My W and I have happy days, work well together, do things as a family, etc. She seems content - and then all of the sudden surprises me with "I don't want to be married because we don't get along, we never have, etc"
There definitely seems to be two lives there - one which is on the surface - happy, content, etc - and another which is inside and unexpressed - unhappy, resentful, blaming.
Your post fits, because my w definitely avoids confrontation until it comes out in some sort of ugly way. (I did the same for most of our M.)
Another book which Coach recommended to me is "Critical Confrontations" and it's counterpart "Critical Conversations". Both talk about how to successfully hold those difficult discussions.
Last edited by Thinker; 12/01/0902:14 PM.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
