Have you ever read Men are from Mars....We are simple creatures, sometimes we just need to be left alone, it has nothing to do with not loving our family.
He will. You need to be a lighthouse right now. Just shine the way every once in awhile. Take your time and become very strong and repair yourself and love your family. Start to look at your life again and decide what you need to change. Do 180's A good 180 will be what was discussed on the previous page. How to communicate without anger. Keep reading and posting. And start to offer advice in other threads where you see that you can help out. I would recommend that you read every single thread of everyone who posted in yours. And make some new friends here. We can all use the advice of someone as strong as you.
It is hard to do, but once you get the hang of it you really start to become a more fun, attractive person in everyone's eyes, not just his. Fake it until you make it.
What are you doint this weekend, start to get a plan together, and when you do go out, wear something hot, smell nice and be up beat and excited to do whatever it is you are going to do. Do not put all of this in his face, you do not have to, he will notice.
You're doing the right things for now, just keep it up. It's great that he called you, and I bet it felt good. Now resist the urge to call him a bunch of times. He called you. He may need to talk to you, and if he does, he'll call you again eventually, but in the meantime your mind should be on other things.
Again, that's easy to say and hard to do. Simple, but not trivial, as the nerds say. But I really think you've hit on something here, and often it helps to focus on one issue and just work on that one thing. Your one thing can be giving him space and letting him make his own decisions and use his own time. He may or may not respond to that by thinking about your situation and deciding that he's been causing his share of the trouble in your marriage, but you don't control that and don't have the time or energy to waste worrying about it. Spend your energy and time on yourself.
One more thing--there will be a time no matter what when you're working like crazy on this, and he seems to be making no effort at all. It will seem unfair. It is unfair. BUT if you persevere there are better times on the other side of it no matter what he ends up doing. Fair has nothing to do with it.
...its like you are reading my mind! h asked me for a break...some time and all i did even AFTER he stormed out was center on my unhappiness without him here. dont get me wrong i want him here MORE than ANYTHING...but 4 months of bickering and crying got me no where...nor did it give h a breather...now because of you wonderful people helping me...i think i get it!
Last edited by lost1234; 12/01/0909:47 PM.
me 39 h 38 kids 9 and 6 h left 8/9/09 loving and devoted wife and mother still going...10 months later...
hey guys, here are a few things that have occurred the past 4 days...could you please let me know if they are accurate as far as DR?
have not called him have ended conversation when he has called...ive been busy have not reminded him to call his kids(this one is REALLY hard...they are small and deserve better too) have not asked if or when he will be coming to the house have not asked will he be around for dinner...
if these seem small, they are babysteps for me! these are some BIG things that i have driven him further away with
what i have done is basically not answer the phone with 1st call, been cheery(and meant it!), listened and only offered anything when he asked my opinion, kept everything short and sweet but did show interest...sincerly
Last edited by lost1234; 12/02/0912:03 AM.
me 39 h 38 kids 9 and 6 h left 8/9/09 loving and devoted wife and mother still going...10 months later...
