#67 Cant find my "pieces"

[saffie]

Maria,

I don't know you like the others that post to you do, but it seems to me you are grieving the exclusivity of your M having been destroyed and you feel that you were rejected and not good enough.......and now suddenly you are. So what changed within your H that means now you are?.....and why should you be happy he wants you again?

I don't know.......I have problems with the concept of starting a new R from now. I can't forget my M existed before the A; after all that's when my children were conceived etc. Have I been M'd from when we took our original vows in 1986 or since we renewed them? I understand some of the thoughts you are having. I still have them at times and question on odd occasions if I should have stayed with my H. HOWEVER, I look at my children and know they are in a better place for me staying with my H and I know that underneath all that hurt I do love my H. I have never looked at another man like I looked at him.

I have experienced the self same thing where my H did something differently in an intimate moment and I KNEW it was something from 'OW time'. I wanted to be sick. What I did though was make even bigger changes to that side of our life so I wouldn't know in the future. I tried not to have 'routine' intimacy - if that makes sense.

Maria, you need to decide if you want your H or not. I get the feeling you are waiting for some gesture on his part to show his undying love and commitment......and whatever it is you need you are not getting. He may not be capable of doing what you are waiting for - he might not know that it is required. It may be something he can only do in time, (things definitely got easier and much more loving and caring from my H to me as the distance from OW grew - it took a full year before I felt he no longer thought about her or perhaps saw her for what she really was).

Those words you mention in an earlier post that OW said to your H - did he reply in kind? If not, maybe it was just she knew that those things stroked his ego and kept him coming back to her - they were nothing more. Anyone can write such stuff......a bit like a hot romance/ soft porn novel - doesn't make it real.

Things couldn't have been as rosy in their R as you are thinking otherwise your H would not be wanting to return to you. You just need to decide if it's what you want; then if you do want it, commit to the process.