Rocked, some people can be very "black and white" on here and most of them, are like this because they did the mistakes they are trying to protect you from. Having said that, and urging you to listen and think of what you have been advised to do, I want to tell you that your posts about pathological liars and lying to cover the affair IMO, are spot on and NOT your way to justify your H. In many books they say that the previous honest/honorable life is a sign that the spouse was under temporary insanity (brain chemicals etc) and not a liar out of habit. It's actually one of the things they urge you to determine in case you decide to reconcile.
My husband has been the most honest man I had met. His integrity was what I admired most in him. There were times I was mad at him for never being more "dimplomatic" at his job. He lied to me for 3 years for his A. That doesnt erase the years before the affair or his behaviour to his friends, colleages etc. IF we thought those men are pathological lairs why on earth would we want to reconcile with them? There is a problem there dont you think guys?
Since I found out about the A, I am pushing for boundaries and requests. I have read all posts by Steve, robx, FG, Coach and Puppy and agree with them 95%. I am not naive anymore and my feet are on the ground. I know that sometimes we need to be firmer than that we feel like. BUT, for example, and Puppy, please comment to me, my H told me he has no contact with her for over a month now, maybe 2, I asked him to send her an email, he said, it will look a bit awkward to send an email saying he wants no contact when they have no contact... Sounds acceptable to me (when I am on my good days-what a rollercoaster by the way)... What I am trying to say is, set your boundaries according to what YOU think is acceptable, what your sitch dictates and knowing (a little bit ) your husband.
Just make sure you are not acting out of fear that you will push him away. It doenst work this way. Do what will make YOU feel comfortable and ask all the reassurances that are enough for YOU. K
) your husband.
