Thank you everyone. I liked the idea of cancelling, but i just couldn't do it. I really needed to get everything out and get my self respect back. Obviously I knew it wasn't going to change anything and we weren't going to leave holding hands, but I think I got across what I wanted to. I began by saying I had a decision to make and I needed to make sure I had all the information and clear up what was between us before I made it. (My decision was whether or not to kick him out, but he didn't know that) Although he asked SEVERAL times what the decision was, I just kept saying it's something in my personal life and I am not comfortable sharing with you because you have not cared about me or respected me in the past month. He told me he was never happy and he settled for me and a few years ago realized this is not what he wanted, and that what made him unhappy was how I treated him and didn't appreciate him. I then told him that when he told me about the affair, I was angry and said mean things, but in about a week after that, I realized he was right, and that I was unhappy too, and that he had the courage to do what I couldn't. Also, about 2 years ago, I suggested counseling, because I was truely convinced we needed help. I told him that was my way of saying it wasn't working, but I didn't have the courage to bring up divorce and that I would have stayed married forever for our daughter. I explained that I started acting "as if" back then, and that I fell back in love with him again. (True story) Then I said over the past month after I got over the shock, all I tried to do was be his friend. I told him that we were really good friends before and that when our marriage doesn't work, I wanted to know that we could be friends and that maybe we just weren't meant to be married, we were just better as friends. He said he didn't trust that I believed it was over and that is why he wasn't being nice to me, but now that I told him I also wanted a d 2 years ago, he believed me. But then he made a couple of nasty comments and I said "You know what? I think you're right, I don't think we can be friends". And then he spent the next few minutes trying to convince me we could. He also said that his counselor, the same one who told me there was nothing more she could do for us, was telling him I was trying to save our marriage and that is why I was acting that way! He even said he googled save my marriage and my behaviors came up! I told him I was just trying to make us friends again for our daughter's sake, because I don't want to be those parents that have to sit across the auditorium for recitals. He said he would now try to be friends but I told him I would now have to think about whether or not that would work. At one point, his hands were shaking when we were talking and I asked him what was wrong, and he kept blowing it off. So towards the end, I asked if he had anything else to talk about and he again asked about my decision. I again told him I did not feel that because we weren't friends, I didn't felt comfortable sharing details in my personal life with him. I asked again if he had anything else, and he said no, and I got up and walked out of the diner. Our diner is 5 minutes away, but he took 30 to get home. I tried to call him because d was crying for him and saying "What if he doesnt come home", but he didn't answer. When he got home he said he went for a drive and why would he answer the phone after what just happened? So, any thoughts, comments? Anything I should have said or not said? And from here, do I just GAL and ignore him? He is still living at home and said he would stay until after Christmas for our daughter.
