Cinco - it brings me to tears to read your words, as I remember the beginning of OUR post exchanges so well...and you are truly recovering now...WOW!
ssmguy - I actually think your story of your friends' arrangement is a good one, and kudos to them for making it work out. Also if, as you say, your wife already knows you are likely "up" to something, she probably wouldn't be so surprised to hear you say something like "hey, how about we just have an arrangment like the so-and-so's?" She may even say "you've got a deal" and then all would be well. If that really does happen, I really will be happy for you to work out such an arrangent. Most people in your position wouldn't get that lucky...if you can call that lucky.
ssmguy, why not lay it out to your wife like this (and I am making this suggestion now after having read you and silly's posts to each other): "Wife, I have tried it your way. I have tried to be happy with infrequent sex with you, and then a little on the side when I can. But I am still not satisfied with this arrangment and I demand a better one for myself. Now I need you to help me decide what that new arrangement is. What I would prefer is that you decide to join me into a monogamous and beautiful love life together, this would be my first choice. But if you don't choose that with me and stick to it, my second choice would be an arrangement like the so-and-so's (your friends). If you have another option, please state it to me. But I can no longer sneak around to get sex behind your back anymore. That was our previous solution to our sexless marriage and we both agreed to it, but now I will not agree any longer. I am making a stand for myself and my sex life, and I ask you, my wife, to help me cross this road to a mutually loving end answer."
And then...you don't let the discussion die until there has been either one of two things:
1. An appropriate agreement for what will happen is reached, one which you are both enthusiastic about...or...
2. You have agreed upon a time and date to continue talking about this in the near future.
Keep having the discussion until you achieve #1, or keep rescheduling if you don't. I can bet you that you might have some sort of solution finally for your ssm if you try this.
I really mean what I'm saying about the above, ssm. I'm not mocking. If she truly consents to a lifestyle change like what you described of your friends and if you could both be truly happy that way, then you'd be very blessed to have found such a solution.
What do you think about my suggested speech to her?
