as we move forward II

[forward]

Emotionally weak--yes, I think this is true. However, who we are in a marriage is shaped by the person we are with.

If we have been the ones who overfunctioned, being the tough ones, so to speak (raises hand), this has enabled our spouses to have their emotions forefront and center, without thought of how they affect us. Some of what this experience has meant for me is that I needed to GAL and be more selfish, in a healthy way, and not putting myself last.

I'm not saying that we are at fault...but we can see the dynamic and how to reshape, what needs to be reshaped.

[BeingMe]

Yeah, emotional cowards --- sad! I am glad his aunt has you to communicate with and another family member that she might be able to rely on.

These MLCers lose so much, and I wonder if that is why so many remain in the tunnel? They fear to see all the the empty spaces on the outside, of the things they lost.

Have a good week!

[mandyloo]

thanks for the replies folks, and yes I agree wholeheatedly with all of you. The sitch between aunt and ex I personally think is down to the wifey, and I dont say that because I am a bitch, I think aunt was getting too near the core of that damned woman, finding her out on her lies and deception that she wanted aunt out of the way so to speak, there is no money left with aunt and so she is no good to the wifey only a bind to have to do a bit of shopping for, and I think she is afraid aunt might bust her bubble and tell ex how she really sees his wifey. It all happened quickly aunt didnt make the phone call to ex until 9pm the night before her monies and shopping lists etc were posted through the letterbox at 10am the following morning, it is just like they couldnt wait to get shut of her, for whatever reason, I could blame wifey for this doing but it was ex who drove the car up to aunts and wifey posted the items through the door, they didnt even have the balls to take them to her, well as we say it is all his loss, and one day he may see the error of his ways, me forward I go, plenty of socialising to do and the festive period approaching !!!!!!!!!!!!

[braveheart]

He is a lost cause.... Best thing for everyone is to just have nothing to do with him.

[mandyloo]

braveheart I hear you, but I do think you can sometimes be hard and heartless in your replies to my post, dont take this the wrong way I appreciate your replies, I agree my ex is a lost cause and is lost in this world, but there must be a reason he as turned into what he as turned into, I merely post so other people can see if there are any comparisons to their own situations, I certainly can see in other peoples sitchs the similarities. I would if I could help this man, yes he as put me through a lot, but for me if you have loved someone for as long as I loved that man it merely doesnt go away overnight, even when people die you still continue your love and caring for them.

[braveheart]

Mandyloo, sorry you feel that way about my posts, but I would like to remind you that I didn't walk off and leave your child, leave you, have you thrown out of your home, have nothing to do with your son, give you little or no financial support for son, cut ties from family..... I kinda think you need to rethink who is cold and heartless here. Your XH hasn't changed a bit in all this time and he won't as long as the OP is in the picture. I have seen these people do time and again what your XH has done to you. You have made all the moves, reached out, did everything and its still the same........ As for a reason why he has done this; it's simple, he thinks the OP is the answer to all his problems! Problem is, once the OP is out of the picture, they are too proud to admit anything. Anyway, my point is; to do anything to "help" is useless, he won't accept it, nor does he want it. Let him go and if he wants more, then you can, if not, well you are no worse off than before. What do you have to lose?

[BeingMe]

You have a very good point, Braveheart! But, I also understand where Mandy is coming from, in that you don't just forget the years before the MLC, or that this man is the father of her son. A really crappy father at the moment, but still, there is that connection.

I just don't get how these WAS's leave their families (especially much loved children, who were previously the centre of their worlds) and run off with some slut/manwhore, waste all their money, end up in debt and then some of them actually come crawling back and expect forgiveness. Or, they expect their child/ren to play happy families with the new W and the LBS is barely mentioned. Mandy, your S was onto his dad and OW really fast. He had no intention of playing their game --- good lad, and clever.

[mandyloo]

Braveheart and BeingMe, I hear you both and thankyou for your replies, Braveheart yes you do have good points and I am not disputing that, you have my ex explained to the point, and I accept what you are saying. BeingMe you also understand where I am coming from too and I always have comfort in those that understand my situation without jumping to the wrong conclusions. I have to admit it is hard to put down in writing and portray your true feelings on this subject sometimes when reading you can read too much into it and read it wrong, no hard feeling though Braveheart, xx

[braveheart]

Mandy, Nah, no hard feelings! I do understand what you are saying. I am just trying to spare you further pain. Many people misunderstand me in what I say, but believe me, I have been around this long enough to know that these people don't and won't change for many years, if ever. I do realize there is the very rare exception..... I just believe its easier and better to let them be and move forward.

[forward]

ML, As I mentioned before, I am just pleased that your X got involved with your S as I can hardly imagine the pain a child would feel under such circumstances....